The Educational Approach of Avraham Avinu

What is education?

Respect for the other — and all that it includes

Respect, importance, and dignity in the world of a young and maturing person are not just another detail in his life. Every child, already from a young age, has a basic need for this. In the following lines we will try to develop the matter somewhat. Several years ago I encountered a young man who had completed his year of study in yeshivah and was standing at the bus stop with suitcases on his way home. I knew him well. His face showed that he was not happy; he was withdrawn, with a closed expression. After I began a short conversation with him, I asked him why his face was downcast. It then became clear that he was very hurt. And this is what he told me: We finished learning at 7:00 in the evening, and since I live in the far south, about three and a half hours away, I went to the mashgiach’s room and knocked on the door. The mashgiach opened for me, and I asked to be released earlier. The mashgiach was busy and remarked to me, “I don’t have time to speak with you now.” When I repeated my request again, he said angrily: “What don’t you understand? You are disturbing me here now!” Those words and the very humiliating attitude deeply hurt me. What had I asked for already?! “I had already made peace with the refusal to release me early, but why say it to me in such a way?” the young man concluded, and again withdrew into his sadness and hurt. One can hear “no,” one can accept a refusal, but when it is done in a disrespectful manner, the issue itself becomes secondary in relation to the hurt.

“Respect” — a basic need of every person

“Respect” is a basic and legitimate need of every human being. Everyone wants to be listened to, to have others believe in his abilities, and to be told a kind word; and even more than that — not to be belittled, not to be ignored, and not to be treated condescendingly! When someone is hurt, the pain is great, and the damage can sometimes be irreversible. Feelings of self-worth and satisfaction form the basis of a meaningful life. A person’s need for respect and appreciation means recognition of his qualities, achievements, and talents.

The educational approach of Avraham Avinu

In our parashah we witness a great principle regarding “recognition of the importance of man,” which Avraham Avinu, peace be upon him, teaches us. The dominant mitzvah in our parashah is “chesed,” as the Torah describes: “וְאֶל הַבָּקָר רָץ אַבְרָהָם וַיִּקַּח בֶּן בָּקָר... וַיִּתֵּן אֶל הַנַּעַר” (Bereishit 18:7) — “And Avraham ran to the cattle and took a calf... and gave it to the lad.” We must consider: why did Avraham Avinu need to be assisted by the lad? After all, he performed most of the acts of kindness himself.

It seems that the holy Rashi was troubled by this, and therefore explained: “וַיִּתֵּן אֶל הַנַּעַר” — “and gave it to the lad” — this refers to Yishmael, in order to educate him in mitzvot. Avraham Avinu wanted to implant this important mitzvah — chesed — in the soul of his son, and therefore he urged him to do it. We have learned two great principles. The first: everything he asked the lad to do was only after he himself was accustomed to performing the mitzvah, and with great enthusiasm; he thus served as a personal example for him. The second: even though this was Yishmael, who was not among the most meticulous in mitzvah observance — to put it mildly — Avraham did not stop and did not despair of him. On the contrary, he made efforts and tried to establish in his soul and implant in it the value of fulfilling mitzvot with joy.

The Holy One, blessed be He, desires mitzvot between man and his fellow more than mitzvot between man and God

Yet it seems that a deeper dimension lies here. For there is room to ask: what did Avraham Avinu see that led him to choose and prefer this mitzvah — welcoming guests — over other mitzvot, and to use specifically it in order to implant it in the soul of Yishmael? Let us consider: what is the great virtue and unique importance that exists specifically in this mitzvah? The Holy One, blessed be He, came to visit Avraham Avinu during his illness, as Scripture says: “וַיֵּרָא אֵלָיו ה' בְּאֵלֹנֵי מַמְרֵא” (Bereishit 18:1) — “And the Lord appeared to him in the plains of Mamre.” And in the midst of this exalted and sublime time, Avraham Avinu goes out and leaves his tent and the Shechinah dwelling there, and runs to receive the guests — toward the three Arabs. At first glance one must wonder: how could he have preferred the three Arabs to receiving the Divine Presence? How did he leave his tent for this? To this our Sages answer: “From here we learn that welcoming guests is greater than receiving the Divine Presence!” Yet the matter remains astounding, and at first thought it does not settle in the heart: is it possible? Why??? Let us consider the essence of the mitzvah of welcoming guests, and we will understand the answers to our questions: what is the mitzvah of welcoming guests? The mitzvah of welcoming guests in its fullness testifies to recognition of the importance of the Divine image. Every person on earth is the image of God! Every person — man or woman, adult or child, rich or poor, intelligent or lacking understanding — each one is the handiwork of the Creator of the world. Every feeling of appreciation and special honor toward him also relates to his Maker. Just as with a positive object that brings great benefit to humanity, the importance and appreciation for the object essentially relates as a virtue to the maker of the object. Similarly is our attitude toward our fellow: when we honor another person, we thereby honor our Maker, for the honor of human beings is the honor of the Creator; all of humanity is the handiwork of the Holy One, blessed be He! Therefore our Sages said: “The Holy One, blessed be He, said: My children, do I lack anything that I should ask of you, except that you love and honor one another?” Moreover, the Rosh explains at the beginning of tractate Peah: “For the Holy One, blessed be He, desires more the mitzvot in which the will of people is also fulfilled than the mitzvot between man and his Creator.” That is, the Holy One, blessed be He, desires mitzvot connected to the realm of man and his fellow more than mitzvot between man and God! Why is this? Because mitzvot between man and his fellow include, beyond that, the matter of man and God as well!

He was not created for himself — only to benefit others

We will understand this better when we examine the introduction of the author’s son — Rabbeinu Chaim of Volozhin — to the book Nefesh HaChaim (s.v. “Bechol derachav”), where he wrote as follows:

He — Rav Chaim of Volozhin — would regularly rebuke me when he saw that I did not share in the suffering of others, and these were always his words to me: this is the whole of man — he was not created for himself, but only to benefit others to the extent of his ability to do so. End quote. These words are astounding to contemplate. Similar words were written by Rabbeinu Yonah in his book Shaarei Teshuvah (Gate 3, section 13): “There are among the positive commandments some severe ones which the masses are not careful about, such as mentioning the Name of Heaven in vain, etc.; and likewise acts of kindness, which are a positive commandment, etc.; for a person is obligated to exert himself in seeking the good of his people and to be diligent with the labor of his soul for the welfare of his fellow, whether poor or rich. This is among the severe commandments and among the fundamental requirements demanded of a person, as it is said (Michah 6:8): ‘הִגִּיד לְךָ אָדָם מַה טּוֹב וּמָה ה' דּוֹרֵשׁ מִמְּךָ כִּי אִם עֲשׂוֹת מִשְׁפָּט וְאַהֲבַת חֶסֶד’ — ‘He has told you, O man, what is good, and what the Lord requires of you: only to do justice and to love kindness.’” End quote. It follows that there is an obligation to exert oneself to seek the good of the people of Israel and to labor for the welfare of one’s companions, and these are among the severe and fundamental matters required of a person.

What is the main labor of a person ?

See further the words of Rav Chaim of Volozhin in his book Kol HaKatuv LaChaim (section “Halichot Chaim,” chapter “Tikkun HaMiddot,” paragraph 6) in the name of the Gra, as follows: “He said that the main labor of a person must be regarding matters between man and his fellow, in all their details.” And see Even Sheleimah (1:1) by Rabbeinu the Gra, who wrote that all service of God depends on the refinement of character traits, for they are like a garment for the mitzvot and the principles of the Torah, and all sins are rooted in character traits. He further wrote (ibid. 1:2) that a person’s primary obligation is always to strengthen himself in breaking his traits; and if not, what need has he for life? And in his commentary to Esther (10:3), he wrote that character traits are the general foundation of the mitzvot. It is awe-inspiring to contemplate!!! And why is this so? Because every positive attitude, good eye, deed that expresses feelings of appreciation, respect, concession, and the like toward another person — the image and handiwork of the Holy One, blessed be He — is also attributed to the Creator Himself. Conversely, belittling or hurting another person or his dignity is, as it were, Heaven forbid, like belittling or hurting His blessed honor. Therefore Avraham Avinu chose precisely this mitzvah to implant it into the depths of the heart, soul, and neshamah of his son. For aside from its being a fundamental and essential mitzvah for the existence of the world and for the proper conduct of social life, it includes human dignity — among the most important mitzvot between man and his fellow — and beyond that, even the mitzvot between man and God: the honor of the blessed Creator. This is the virtue and importance of this mitzvah. Therefore it is even greater than receiving the Divine Presence, for it is composed of both aspects together, in an inseparable bond: the honor of one’s fellow and His blessed honor, as stated. We have learned: love of people, and certainly when speaking of our students — our sons — is love of the Creator, when the foundation of love and honor for people stems from love and honor of the Creator. And when one honors a person, one is essentially telling him that one loves him; and it is impossible to love a person without honoring him. “If Yehudah says so, I believe him.” Let us contemplate the following wondrous story that I heard from my teacher and master, our teacher the Gaon Rabbi Yaakov Edelstein zatzal, concerning what the Gaon Rabbi Yehudah Ades shlita, head of Yeshivat Kol Yaakov, told him:

I was nine years old, and I was eating supper. My brother, who was two years older than me, asked me: “Yehudah, did you recite Birkat HaMazon?” I said to him: “Yes.” “From which siddur?” he asked me. I said to him: “This one,” and I pointed to a siddur lying on the table. But unfortunately it was not like a regular siddur in which Birkat HaMazon is printed; it was a “Yom Kippur machzor.” He noticed this and asked me: “Show me where there is Birkat HaMazon in this machzor?” And I said that I had found it. He asked me a second and third time: “Where is Birkat HaMazon here?” And I answered that I had found it. He went to my father — HaRav HaGaon Rabbi Yaakov Ades zatzukal — and said to him: “Father, Yehudah says that he recited Birkat HaMazon from a Yom Kippur machzor.” My father said to him: “You should know: if Yehudah tells you that he recited it, then believe him!!” That is what my father said to him... And Rabbi Yehudah Ades testifies: How much, at that moment, I loved my father; and I already loved Birkat HaMazon as well. From that day on, I could no longer fail to recite Birkat HaMazon. What pleasantness I felt that they had brought me out clean from my distress. What a great father. What humility. Why did he need to rebuke me? Had he merely looked at me, I would have been filled with shame! This was the admiration I had for my father because of this approach. This is testimony to a most wondrous incident, in which it seems that a very great and important principle of the foundations of education is hidden: preserving the dignity of the son, the student, the child being educated — and in truth, every person — in every possible situation, and ensuring that we convey the message of preserving another’s dignity. In this way it will be engraved in his heart and soul for all the days of his life.

Conduct of “dignity” crosses boundaries and considerations

On this subject I once heard from the Gaon Rabbi Ze’ev Kahn shlita, who said: Many years ago there was a discussion about a certain educator who was a candidate to teach eighth grade in a Talmud Torah. They came before me with doubts regarding his suitability for the position, because his voice was very low and they did not know whether he could be a teacher. I told them: he does not need to raise his voice, because his very dignity will come and create discipline in the classroom. And indeed, for decades he has been a most remarkable educator, producing excellent fruits. He added further: A person who is counted among those called “educators in Israel” must pay attention to his honor and dignity, and be careful not to let anything unseemly leave his mouth; not to laugh and behave like them — his young students — but to speak in his own language and manner, as an educator, and likewise in his appearance and clothing. For through this he is perceived as important in their eyes, and consequently they honor him and are honored through him; and by means of this, their own dignity is in fact built and increased, which is very necessary for them as children and youths — to be respected. We have learned how important it is for an educator, a teacher, and in truth every father, to be dignified, and especially to honor his surroundings and those who listen to his teaching.

By Rabbi Michael Zacharyahu

Spiritual director at the Torat David Yeshivah Gedolah and chairman of the organization Legyono Shel Melech