An Educational Insight from Parashat Vayetze — When the Educator Understood His Heart: Painful, Yet Strengthening

We were all created with character traits and qualities of the soul. When people speak about “jealousy,” everyone certainly understands immediately what is being discussed.

There is negative jealousy, and there is positive jealousy (and we elaborated on this in the book “The King’s Legion,” vol. 1...).

In the Torah, we find Kayin’s jealousy of Hevel, which ultimately led to the murder of a brother; the brothers’ jealousy of Yosef, which led to his sale; and in our parashah — “ותקנא רחל באחותה” — “And Rachel was jealous of her sister.”

And our Sages commented: How is this possible? How can one attribute to Rachel, who was so yielding and devoted, such a severe trait as jealousy? After all, Rachel embodied in her personality the quality of self-effacement and giving, which is the very opposite of covetousness and jealousy! In the noble act in which she gave the signs to her sister and relinquished her entire future for her sister’s sake — how, then, could jealousy be relevant to her?

However, Rashi explains there on the spot that Rachel was jealous of Leah’s good deeds, and she said that were Leah not a greater righteous woman than she, Leah specifically would not have merited children. Nevertheless, in accordance with the great height of her spiritual level, she was held accountable for this in the finest subtleties.

The subject of jealousy is very broad and vast, and certainly there is not enough space to address it in a few lines, especially when speaking about the great figures of our nation.

In the world of children and students, the subject of jealousy is broad and significant, and we, as parents and educators, must pay attention not to intensify it among them.

The matter of distributing prizes, certificates, and incentives is complex. On the one hand, the goal is to encourage, strengthen, and motivate. But on the other hand, it also creates casualties and generates strong negative feelings. Jealousy causes the jealous person to ignore the reality around him, the logical considerations, and to devote himself entirely to jealousy.

Many times I entered the homes of the great Torah leaders of Israel with questions about how to conduct oneself regarding the awarding of prizes to outstanding students, where, by the nature of things, the weaker and less successful students inevitably leave disheartened and are even broken by it.

My teacher, Maran HaGaon Rabbi Yaakov Edelstein zatzal, once told me that when prizes are distributed to the outstanding students, everyone should be given at least something small, through which we express our appreciation for every student — even for the smallest good point he possesses — so as not to create jealousy that can lead to frustration and heartbreak, something that has consequences.

Of course, every case must be considered on its own, and each person should ask the view of his rabbis.

There is negative jealousy, and there is positive jealousy, and one must distinguish between them. On the one hand: “Jealousy, desire, and honor remove a person from the world” (Avot 4:21). On the other hand: “The jealousy of scholars increases wisdom.” Here jealousy becomes positive.

Ordinary jealousy is the kind that makes one want to diminish the other person. He has something that we do not have, and we want to balance the scales by diminishing him, finding faults in him, and so on. The focused gaze is upon him.

The jealousy of scholars, by contrast, is the kind that causes us to see the object of our jealousy as a source of inspiration and a role model, without wanting to diminish his worth. In this case, the gaze is upon ourselves, with the main emphasis being to improve ourselves and to take an example from the other person: “See, it is possible.”

Sometimes, precisely the desire that comes from a pure place to be like someone else leads to elevation, as the following story will attest.

One of my friends told me:

Twenty years ago, I was an educator in one of the Talmud Torah schools. There was a dear Jew who loved to purchase prizes for programs held for the children. One month, I decided to hold a program for memorizing Mishnayot of tractate Shabbat, and whoever met the requirements would receive a watch; the watches were donated by that Jew. There was one student who asked to be tested on each Mishnah separately, and afterward on each chapter separately, since he was unable to be tested on everything together. After some discussion, I agreed. He was indeed tested and received a watch.

Years passed, and in my free time I decided to volunteer as an on-call responder for Magen David Adom. As an ambulance driver, one day I received a call to a place near my home, with a report of an injured person. I arrived there and understood that it had been an incident of violence by hooligans, and apparently someone had been injured.

When those present at the scene saw me, they updated me that the incident was over, the injured person had been evacuated, and I could leave. But I informed them that according to procedure, I had to enter and check that everything was in order. When I entered, I saw several boys smoking, some of them exhausted and sweating. Being there was not pleasant, to say the least, and so I turned toward the exit, when suddenly I heard someone calling out to me loudly: “Rabbi”...

I stopped, turned around, and there before me stood a tall, strong young man who explained to everyone that I had been his rabbi in Talmud Torah, and that he had not forgotten my kindness in agreeing to test him Mishnah after Mishnah, chapter after chapter, so that he could merit the watch. After he showered me with a few more praises in front of his friends, he asked to go outside with me.

When we went out, he said to me in a moment of candor: Know that we are not happy here. At night I sometimes see my friends crying from pain and frustration. I, too, go through moments that are not simple. And then what do I do? I recite Mishnayot by heart. And don’t ask which tractate...

Rabbi Michael Zachariahu

Spiritual director at the Torat David Yeshiva Gedolah and chairman of the King’s Legion organization