An Educational Insight from Parashat Vayetze — When the Educator Understood His Heart: Painful, Yet Strengthening

All of us were created with character traits and qualities of the soul; when people speak about “jealousy,” everyone certainly understands immediately what is meant.

There is negative jealousy, and there is positive jealousy (and we elaborated on this in the book “Legiono Shel Melech,” vol. 1...).

In the Torah we find Kayin’s jealousy of Hevel, which ultimately led to the murder of a brother; the brothers’ jealousy of Yosef, which led to his sale; and in our parashah — “ותקנא רחל באחותה” — “And Rachel was jealous of her sister.”

Our Sages raised the question: how is this possible? How can one attribute to Rachel — so yielding and devoted — a severe trait such as jealousy? After all, Rachel embodied in her personality the quality of yielding and giving, which is the opposite of desire and jealousy! And in the noble act in which she gave the signs to her sister and relinquished her entire future for her sister’s sake — if so, how could jealousy apply to her?

However, Rashi there explains that Rachel was jealous of Leah’s good deeds, and she said that were Leah not a greater tzaddeket than she, Leah would not have been the one to merit children. Nevertheless, in accordance with the lofty greatness of her level, she was held accountable for this with the finest precision.

The subject of jealousy is very broad and profound, and certainly the space is too limited to address it in a few lines, particularly when speaking about the great figures of our nation.

In the world of children and students, the subject of jealousy is broad and significant, and we as parents and educators must give thought to not intensifying it among them.

The matter of distributing prizes, certificates, and incentives is complex. On the one hand, the goal is to encourage, strengthen, and motivate. But on the other hand, it also leaves casualties and generates strong negative feelings. Jealousy causes the jealous person to ignore the reality around him, the logical considerations, and to give himself over entirely to jealousy.

Many times I went in to the great Torah leaders of Israel with questions about how to conduct oneself regarding the awarding of prizes to outstanding students, when inevitably, by the nature of things, the weaker and less successful students leave dejected and are even broken by it.

My teacher, our master, HaRav HaGaon Rabbi Yaakov Edelstein zatzal, once told me that when prizes are distributed to outstanding students, one must give everyone at least something small, through which we express our appreciation for every student — even for the smallest good point within him — so as not to create jealousy that may lead to frustration and heartbreak, something that has consequences.

Of course, each case must be considered on its own, and everyone should ask the opinion of his rabbis.

There is negative jealousy and there is positive jealousy, and one must distinguish between them. On the one hand, “Jealousy, desire, and honor remove a person from the world” (Avot 4:21). On the other hand, “The jealousy of scholars increases wisdom.” Here, jealousy becomes positive.

Ordinary jealousy is the kind that causes a person to want to diminish the other. He has something that we do not have, and we want to equalize the balance of power by diminishing him — finding faults in him, and so on. The focused gaze is upon him.

The jealousy of scholars, by contrast, is the kind that causes us to see the object of jealousy as a source of inspiration and a role model, without wanting to diminish his value. In this case, the gaze is upon ourselves, with the main emphasis being to improve ourselves and to take an example from the other: “Here, it is possible.”

Sometimes, it is precisely the pure desire to be like the other that brings about elevation, as the following story attests.

One of my friends told me:

Twenty years ago I was an educator in one of the Talmud Torah schools. There was a dear Jew who loved to purchase prizes for initiatives held for the children. One month I decided to hold a program for memorizing the Mishnayot of tractate Shabbat by heart, and whoever met the requirements would receive a watch; the watches were donated by that Jew. There was one student who asked to be tested on each Mishnah separately, and afterward on each chapter on its own, because he was not able to be tested on everything together. After discussion and negotiation, I agreed. He was indeed tested and received a watch.

Years passed, and in my free time I decided to volunteer as an on-call responder for Magen David Adom. As an ambulance driver, one day I received a call to a place near my home with a report of an injured person. I arrived there and understood that it had been an incident of violence by hooligans, and apparently someone had been injured.

When those present at the scene saw me, they updated me that the incident was over, the injured person had been evacuated, and I could leave. But I informed them that according to the procedures I had to enter and check that everything was in order. When I entered, I saw several boys smoking, some of them exhausted and sweating. Being there was not pleasant, to say the least, and so I turned toward the exit, when suddenly I heard someone calling me out loud: “Rabbi”...

I stopped, turned around, and there before me stood a tall, strong young man who explained to everyone that I had been his rabbi in the Talmud Torah, and that he had not forgotten my kindness in agreeing to test him Mishnah after Mishnah, chapter after chapter, so that he could win the watch. After he heaped several more praises upon me in front of his friends, he asked to step outside with me.

When we went out, he spoke to me in a moment of candor: Know this — we are not happy here. At night I sometimes see my friends crying from pain and frustration; I, too, go through difficult moments. And what do I do then? I recite Mishnayot by heart. And don’t ask which tractate...

Rabbi Michael Zecharyahu

Spiritual director at the Torat David Yeshiva Gedolah and chairman of the Legiono Shel Melech organization