Educational Insights from Parashat Tzav — Instilling Simple Derech Eretz!

Sometimes there are things that we feel it is not our role to explain and clarify to our students and children, since they are
simple and self-evident.
But in truth, if we try to take a student who struggles with proper conduct in a basic matter such as derech eretz and the like,
and practice the situation with him, guide him and instruct him how to act in certain circumstances and in complex situations, we will be able
to see a blessed change in him, and sometimes a complete transformation.
All this requires of us is awareness and a desire to have an impact, and of course a little time (“which none of us has”...).
Noach Asks Permission
When we accustom a child to derech eretz, but do not receive proper and sufficient feedback from him — that is, it seems that he is not internalizing
the ideas — we must ask ourselves: why? What happened?
Sometimes the answer is simple: a little more explanation is needed, and then the concepts will take on a different meaning in his
inner world.
I will give one example.
Some time ago, I spoke with a young man who behaved and expressed himself toward those around him in a not very respectful manner.
We began working on small things, such as saying “thank you,” “please,” “may I,” and “I’m going out” (informing his
parents at home, and the like). In the course of our discussion, I asked him: when Noach left the ark after the Flood, did he need
to ask Hashem for permission to leave, or was it obvious that if the Flood had ended, he could leave?
In Midrash Tanchuma (13, 14) it is brought: “צא מן התיבה” — “Leave the ark.” Noach said: Just as I entered the ark only with permission, so
I will not leave except with permission: “בוא אל התיבה” — “Come into the ark” — “ויבוא נח” — “and Noach came”; “צא מן התיבה” — “Leave the ark” — “ויצא נח” — “and Noach left.”
Hashem said to him: You are asking permission; here is your permission: “צא מן התיבה” — “Leave the ark.”
Noach conducted himself with derech eretz: just as he entered only after an instruction from Hashem, so he waited for the command to leave.
From here we learn that even something that appears seemingly simple, such as going out to a certain place, I must report — and even more so,
“ask permission,” even though it is clear that I am not obligated to ask — and “receive permission.” For this is a trait of derech eretz.
Some time passed, and I met the young man’s father, who was happy to tell me about the change that had taken place in his son: he had shed one form and assumed
another, and he even gave an example: “When he goes out, he tells us and keeps us updated.”
After another period of time, I met the young man, and during the conversation he told me that the example with Noach accompanies him
always.
Sometimes, a good explanation with an example and a concrete illustration of the conduct one wants to instill creates within the mind a deeper perception and way of thinking.
It Is Not an Obligation, but Derech Eretz
This principle — that even simple things must be instilled in our students and children — is taught to us by the Torah in our parashah.
The verse states: “ופשט את בגדיו ולבש בגדים אחרים והוציא את הדשן אל מחוץ למחנה אל מקום טהור” — “He shall remove his garments and put on other garments, and he shall take the ashes outside the camp to a pure place” (6,
4). Rashi writes: “This is not an obligation, but derech eretz: so that when taking out the ashes he should not soil the garments in which he regularly serves;
garments in which one cooked a pot for his master — he should not pour a cup for his master in them. Therefore, ‘he shall put on other garments’ — inferior to them.”
Even that which seems simple must be taught to us by the Torah; and what shall we, as educators, answer regarding our duty (which is our privilege)
to teach, instill, and train the souls of our students in good character traits and derech eretz.

Rabbi Michael Zechariahu

Spiritual Director at the Torat David Yeshiva Gedolah and Chairman of the Legion of the King organization