Parshat Acharei Mot-Kedoshim

A Gutten Erev Shabbos!

It says in this week's Parsha:
“A man shall fear his mother and his father.”

The Gemara (Kiddushin 31a) tells us that the students asked Rav Ulla: How far does the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents go? He answered them: Listen to what a certain non-Jew in Ashkelon did. His name was Dama ben Netina.
Once, the Sages wanted to buy a diamond for the Choshen from him for a huge amount of money, but the key to his safe was under his father’s pillow whi was sleeping at the time, and so he did not want to wake his father and therefore lost the deal.
The next year, Hashem rewarded him, and a red heifer was born in his herd. When the Sages came to buy it, he told them: I know you would pay me any amount of money, but I’m only asking for the exact amount I lost because of honoring my father. 

So the question is:
Why wasn’t Dama allowed to wake his father? After all, we pasken that honoring a parent comes from the parent’s money, not the child’s.
And practically speaking, does this mean that if I have a store and the key is in my parents’ house, and they’re sleeping, I’m not allowed to wake them up, even if customers are waiting?

This question is discussed by the Rishonim, and their answers are brought le’halacha. So first I would like to share with you their answers, and then the practical halachik Guidelines on this matter as brought by our Rav, HaGaon HaRav Amrom Fried shlit”a.

Tosafot HaRosh and the Ran give two answers:
First, even though the mitzvah of Kibbid Av does not require the child to lose money, however, in this case, since he wasn’t able to sell the diamond, he didn’t lose money; he just wasn’t able to earn a profit, and therefore, there is a mitsvah of kibbud av, and one may not wake up his father.
Second, even if a child isn’t obligated to spend his own money, it is still forbidden to cause his father distress by waking him up from his sleep.

The Rema (ibid) brings this LeHalcha that only when there’s a monetary loss do we say the son is exempt. But if it’s about losing a profit, then he is obligated to respect his father.

However, the Aruch HaShulchan and the Be’er Heitev, quoting Sefer Chassidim, write that this only applies when the father wouldn’t want to be woken up.

In the story of Dama ben Netina, his father wouldn’t have been happy about being woken up for the sake of his son’s profit (A goy!). But if the father would have wanted to be woken up, and would be upset if he wasn’t, then one is allowed to wake him.
The Aruch HaShulchan explains that Le’halcha we need both conditions brought in Tosfot above in order for it to be forbidden to wake up one’s father:
1. It’s a loss of profit.
2. The father wouldn’t have wanted to be woken up.
In practice, based on what we learnt, we asked Moreinu Hagaon Harav Amrom Fried shelittah
First, we asked the Rav about the case brought in the question: where one has a shop and the keys to the shop are at his parents' house, and they are sleeping. Would he be allowed to wake them in order to open his shop? And what about waking up one’s father to come to shul, etc.?
The Rav answered:
One is not allowed to wake up one’s father.
However, if one knows that his father would be pleased to be woken, it is permitted to wake him.

On behalf of the entire Sheilot staff, we wish you a Shabbos Shulem umevorach.