Special Laws for a Second Marriage
The second marriage discussed below applies both to a divorced man/woman and to a widower/widow [unless otherwise specified].
The laws below apply when both the groom and the bride are marrying only in a second marriage. If this is a first marriage for one of them, they should ask a Torah scholar what the law is in their case.
Tenaim Celebration
Some have the custom not to write a tenaim document at the conclusion of the match, but to perform only a kinyan(1); however, one who wishes to make tenaim may do so(2).
It is not customary to break plates at the engagement of a second marriage.
Aufruf Shabbat
There is no obligation to give the groom an aliyah on the Shabbat before the wedding, but it is good to call him up(3), and candies are not thrown during his aliyah(4).
There is no need to make a kiddush.
The Day of the Chuppah
The groom and bride fast on the day of their chuppah, and they should recite viduy at Minchah(5).
The groom and bride require protection from the time of the chuppah for three days(6).
The Times of the Chuppah and Wedding Meal, and the Sheva Berachot
Although the Shulchan Aruch writes that the custom of the Sages is to set the wedding on Thursday, in practice people are not particular to follow this(7).
Since the Sheva Berachot are recited at the chuppah, and only at the first meal of the first day (-the day of the chuppah)(8), care should be taken that the chuppah and the wedding meal take place at the same time (either on the same day or on the same night). Therefore, those who want the wedding meal to be at night should preferably ensure that the chuppah takes place after nightfall.
If the chuppah is held during the day and the meal takes place at night afterward, Sheva Berachot are not recited, since the chuppah and the meal are on two separate days.
Preparations for the Chuppah
The children of the groom and bride should not participate in their parents’ chuppah(9), but they may participate in the meal.
The bride wears a thin veil, not a veil with several layers as a virgin does, in order to make a distinction(10). However, her eyes must be covered at the time of kiddushin(11), and the groom should not spread the covering over her; rather, the women should spread it over her(12).
Some bring shushvinim, and the shushvinim hold candles in their hands[(13), while others do not bring them(14). They are not particular that the shushvinim specifically be a couple who married in a first marriage(15).
The Chuppah
The chuppah is held indoors and not under the open sky(16), though this is not a strict requirement(17).
The groom wears a kittel(18), and the bride wears a white garment [but not a wedding gown].
Candies are not thrown at the groom and bride on their way to the chuppah(19).
The bride circles the groom three times (and not seven), but if they wish to make seven circuits, they may.
Care should be taken that the wording of the ketubah is correct (for example, regarding the words “betulta,” the amount of the ketubah, “mide’oraita,” “mi-bei avuha,” “mohar betulaychi”), and it is also proper that the witnesses know what the obligation in the ketubah is.
The ketubah is read at the chuppah, as with a virgin(20).
Yichud
At the conclusion of the chuppah, the groom and bride enter yichud as usual.
One should make a great effort that the woman be tahor at the time of the marriage [since in a second marriage we require yichud that is fit for marital relations, for chuppah does not effect acquisition of a divorced woman or a widow(21).
Mitzvah Tanz (for those who have this custom)
Those who have the custom to perform a mitzvah tanz may do so as usual, and some have the custom not to do it(22).
The Three Days of Joy
The mitzvah of rejoicing the groom with the bride applies for only three days(23). Therefore, during the three days following the wedding, although Sheva Berachot are not recited, the one leading the zimun should say “Dvai Haseir” and “shehasimchah bim’ono”(24).
Tachanun is not recited during the three days of joy following the wedding; and if the chuppah is before sunset, it is not recited on the day of the chuppah either(25).
There is no obligation to call him up to the Torah on the Shabbat after the wedding, but it is good to call him up(26).
First Yichud on Shabbat and Yom Tov
If the first time they enter yichud that is fit for marital relations is on the night of Shabbat or Yom Tov, they should postpone the yichud, because the yichud is the kinyan(27).
Beilat Mitzvah with a Widow
One who marries a widow should perform the “Tikkun Almanah” composed by the Rashash, and in any event should study a chapter of Mishnah on the day of the chuppah for the elevation of the soul of the first husband, and recite Kaddish DeRabbanan.
One may not have the first relations with a widow on Friday night [if he has not yet entered yichud with her in a manner fit for marital relations, this involves an act of acquisition, as above; and even if he already entered yichud with her before Shabbat, he should not have the first relations with her on Friday night because of danger(28).
Some do not have marital relations on the first night of marriage even on weekdays(29), while some are lenient on weekdays(30); however, if they perform the “Tikkun Almanah” composed by the Rashash, one may be lenient.
Beilat Mitzvah in a Second Marriage (when she is not a widow)
Some are stringent not to have marital relations on the first night of marriage even if the woman is divorced(31), but in practice, according to halachah, one may be lenient(32).
Blood of Virginity
She does not become forbidden after the first relations if she has already had relations with her previous husband(33).
Testing for Ro’ah Machmat Tashmish
There is no need to perform three examinations during the first three acts of relations [to determine that she is not a ro’ah machmat tashmish], if this was already done with the first husband(34).
The First Year
The mitzvah of “he shall gladden his wife” applies throughout the entire first year(35).
Source
(1) Responsa Imrei Yosher, vol. 2, siman 203; Responsa Maharash Engel, vol. 5, siman 53
(2) Based on Erech Shai, Yoreh De’ah, end of siman 192, and the custom of the Chatam Sofer
(3) Biur Halachah, siman 136
(4) Shulchan HaEzer, vol. 2, fol. 14a, se’if katan 5
(5) Mishnah Berurah, siman 573, se’if katan 8
(6) Based on Berachot 54b; Rema, Even HaEzer, siman 64, se’if 1; Mishnah Berurah, siman 239
(7) Based on Ketubot 5a; Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer, siman 64, se’if 3; Chelkat Mechokek ad loc.
(8) Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer, siman 62, se’if 6; Beit Shmuel ad loc.
(9) Glosses of Chavot Yair on Minhagei Worms, siman 235
(10) Based on Rema, siman 55, se’if 1; Shulchan Aruch, siman 64, se’if 5
(11) Rema, siman 31, se’if 2; Shulchan HaEzer, siman 7, se’if katan 5; siman 8, se’if katan 28
(12) Based on Ketubot 15b
(13) Shulchan HaEzer, siman 7, se’if katan 1
(14) Aruch HaShulchan, siman 55, se’if 24
(15) Shulchan HaEzer, ad loc.
(16) Pitchei Teshuvah, siman 62, se’if katan 1
(17) Responsa Chatam Sofer, Even HaEzer, siman 98
(18) Shulchan HaEzer, vol. 2, notes at the end of the book, fol. 136a
(19) Darchei Teshuvah, Yoreh De’ah 179, se’if katan 15; Shulchan HaEzer, vol. 2, fol. 14a, se’if katan 5
(20) Shulchan HaEzer, vol. 2, fol. 45b, regarding one who remarries his divorcee
(21) Even HaEzer, siman 64, se’if 5
(22) See Ketubot 16b and Sotah 12a
(23) Shulchan Aruch, siman 64, se’if 2
(24) Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer, siman 62, se’if 13
(25) Mishnah Berurah, siman 131, se’if katan 26
(26) Sha’ar Ephraim, sha’ar 2, se’if 6
(27) Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim, siman 339, se’if 5; Mishnah Berurah, se’if katan 32; and likewise Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer, siman 64, se’if 5; Rema, Yoreh De’ah, siman 197, se’if 2
(28) Magen Avraham, siman 339, se’if katan 11, in the name of Maharil
(29) Responsa Maharsham, vol. 2, siman 141
(30) See Responsa Tov Ta’am VaDa’at, vol. 2, siman 264
(31) Pitcha Zuta, Yoreh De’ah, siman 192, second edition, se’if 4, based on the book Avodat Yisrael
(32) Responsa Maharsham, vol. 3, siman 333; Shulchan HaEzer, vol. 2, siman 10, se’if katan 10
(33) Based on what is explained in Yoreh De’ah, beginning of siman 193, and in Lechem VeSimlah ad loc.
(34) Based on what is explained in Yoreh De’ah, siman 186
(35) Sotah 44a; Sefer HaChinuch, mitzvah 582
