Unveilings

Shalom! 

Thank you for your question. 

The unveiling ceremony, known as the “hakamat hamatzeiva” is essentially a compilation of customs that has evolved over the years.  

If one has not been to a cemetery for thirty days, they recite the blessing “Asher Yatzar Eschem B’din.”
Afterward, chapters of Tehillim are said in the following order: 33, 16, 17, 72, 91, 104, 130.

Then,  from chapter 119, the verses corresponding to the letters of the deceased’s name. (Regarding whether to mention the parents’ names as well, there are different customs: some mention only the father’s name, some only the mother’s, and some omit both.)

After this, verses from chapter 119 corresponding to the letters of the word “Neshama” (soul) are recited.

Then, Kaddish Yatom and the memorial prayer (Hazkaras Neshamos / Hashkavah) are said.

On the day of the yahrzeit, one learns at home a set study of Mishnayos. The study order is as follows: Mishnah chapters that begin with the letters of the deceased’s name.

Letter Alef – Maseches Shabbos, Chapter 15
Letter Beis – Maseches Shabbos, Chapter 4
Letter Gimel – Maseches Chullin, Chapter 7
Letter Daled – Maseches Sanhedrin, Chapter 1
Letter Hei – Maseches Berachos, Chapter 2
Letter Vav – Maseches Dem'ai, Chapter 2
Letter Zayin – Maseches Taharos, Chapter 9
Letter Ches – Maseches Shabbos, Chapter 22
Letter Tes – Maseches Zevachim, Chapter 12
Letter Yud – Maseches Yoma, Chapter 8
Letter Kaf – Maseches Berachos, Chapter 6
Letter Lamed – Maseches Sukkah, Chapter 4
Letter Mem – Maseches Moed Katan, Chapter 2
Letter Nun – Maseches Shabbos, Chapter 21
Letter Samech – Maseches Kerisus, Chapter 4
Letter Ayin – Maseches Shevi’is, Chapter 1
Letter Peh – Maseches Parah, Chapter 4
Letter Tzadi – Maseches Parah, Chapter 9
Letter Kuf – Maseches Me’ilah, Chapter 4
Letter Reish – Maseches Chullin, Chapter 11
Letter Shin – Maseches Shevi’is, Chapter 6
Letter Tav – Maseches Berachos, Chapter 4 

Additionally: Maseches Mikva’os, Chapter 7 from the beginning (for the letters of Neshamah) with commentary. 

Some have the custom to study chapter 24 of Maseches Keilim, because it has seventeen Mishnayos that all end with the word tahor. 

After the learning, one recites Kaddish D’Rabbanan. Then the prayer Ana Hashem etc. 

If one lights a candle on or near the tombstone at the start of the unveiling and at any other time that the grave is visited. When lighting the candle one should say the Hebrew name of the deceased and indicate that the candle is being lit in their honor. 

YD 376:5; Birkei Yosef 344:7; Torah Lishma 520; Zekan Aharon 2:85; Be’er Heitev, OC 224:7,8; Gesher Hachaim 32:8; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 128:13, 199:10; Mishna Berura 581:27 Magen Ha'elef, towards the end of Hilchos Kaddish.