Yom Kippur: Wearing a Kittel

Why do some people have a custom to not wear a kittel on yom kippur in the first year of marriage?

Shalom!

Thank you for your question!

For the benefit of readers let us begin by explaining that the kittel is the white robe worn by Ashkenazi married men on Yom Kippur, and on other occasions, as well, according to custom. Women and most Sefardim do not wear a kittel.

There are several reasons a kittel is worn on Yom Kippur. One reason is that it is intended to be reminiscent of the white shrouds in which we dress the dead. This is intended to arouse feelings of humility and repentance, appropriate for Yom Kippur. In fact, the word “kittel” derives from the Aramaic word “katala,” which means death. Furthermore, although most kittels are made from cotton, some people prefer to wear a kittel made of linen in order to recall that (most) shrouds are made from linen.

In most Ashkenazi communities, a groom wears a kittel when getting married, while under the chuppa. The reason for this is because a bride and groom’s sins are forgiven on their wedding day. It also serves to recall the verse, “At all times may your garments be white” which is also symbolic of forgiveness of suns. Here too, the kittel is intended to humble the groom and reminds him of death so that he does not get carried away with excitement and light-headedness on his wedding day.

As you correctly note, in some communities, a man does not wear a kittel during his first year of marriage. It is unclear why this is so. Some suggest that it is because in ancient times most men married at eighteen or nineteen years old, and one is not subject to Divine punishment under the age of twenty. As such, there is less reason to require such a young man to wear a kittel. It is also suggested that since the groom has already worn a kittel that year – at his wedding – there is no need for him to do so again that year. Others suggest that wearing a kittel during one’s first year of marriage actually infringes on the honor due to one’s wife. This is because there is a requirement for a man to rejoice and celebrate with his wife during their entire first year of marriage, and the kittel represents curbing such happiness. Nevertheless, the custom in most communities is for a man to wear a kittel even during his first year of marriage though there are some who refrain.

YD 352:2, Pitchei Teshuva, YD 352:2; Mate Ephraim 581:55-58, OC 610:4; Maharam Shick, OC 28, EH 88; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 147:4