What You Can Do to Commemorate a Parent

I feel guilty very much guilty toward my passing father. Lost 7 years ago. I did not take care of him when in old age and during his sickness. I cannot enjoy life I am losing everything family job .... Thinking of this all the day. I have been told that I can pray for him and do what he would love me to do. But it is not enough I am suffering.

Shalom!

Thank you for your question!

While we cannot always correct the past, we can work on the future.

In Judaism, honoring and remembering deceased parents is considered to be both sacred and meaningful. There are several ways that you can pray, honor, and otherwise commemorate your father. Here are some of them:

Kaddish: The Kaddish is a Jewish prayer recited that is recited in memory of the deceased. There are different variations of the Kaddish, including the Mourner's Kaddish, which is recited by mourners during specific prayer services, and the “Rabbi’s Kaddish” that is recited after Torah study. Reciting Kaddish is a way to honor the memory of the departed and affirm our faith in God.

Yahrzeit: Yahrzeit is the anniversary of a loved one's death according to the Jewish calendar. On the yahrzeit of a parent, it is customary to light a memorial candle that burns for 24 hours, attend synagogue services, recite prayers, and engage in acts of charity or study in their memory.

Tzedakah (Charity): Giving charity (tzedakah) in memory of a deceased parent is an extremely meaningful way to honor their memory. Many people choose to donate to causes or organizations that were important to their parent or support initiatives that align with their parent's interests and values. Supporting Torah study is also commendable.

Learning Torah: Engaging in Torah study in memory of a parent is considered extremely a meritorious. Some people choose to dedicate a specific period of study or participate in Torah classes or seminars as a way of honoring their parent's memory and continuing their intellectual and spiritual legacy.

Visiting the Gravesite: Visiting the gravesite of a parent, particularly on significant occasions such as the yahrzeit or holidays, is a deeply meaningful way to honor their memory and connect with their legacy. It is customary to recite prayers, share memories, and reflect on the impact of their life.

Acts of Kindness and Good Deeds: Engaging in acts of kindness and good deeds (mitzvot) in memory of a parent is another powerful way to honor their legacy and perpetuate their values of compassion and generosity. This can include helping others in need, volunteering in the community, or performing acts of kindness in their name.

These are just a few examples of the ways that Jews can honor and remember a deceased parent. The specific practices may vary based on individual customs, family traditions, and personal preferences, but the underlying intention is to preserve the memory of the departed and continue to honor their legacy in meaningful ways.

Please reach out to your local orthodox rabbi for advice and guidance on implementing the above ideas. I assure you that when you begin doing these things you will feel very good, uplifted, and inspired to do more.