Homosexuality
Question
Hi rabbi. I hope you're well. I'm really struggling and I don't really know who to turn to. It is difficult for me to blend my Judaism with my sexuality. I feel like an outsider. I am gay. Please advise me on combining my gayness and Judaism. Thanl you Regards josh
Answer
Shalom!
Thank you for your question.
You are correct that homosexual activity is forbidden by the Torah. Everyone has different urges in different areas in life. Our mission is not to act on the forbidden urges, but rather, to focus on the permitted ones. Sexual urges are of course some of the most difficult.
Let me share with you a piece of Talmud (Sukka 52b) on dealing with sexual urges:
“Rabbi Yoḥanan said: A man has a small organ used in sexual relations. If he starves the organ, and does not overindulge, it is satiated; however, if he satiates the organ and overindulges in sexual relations, it is starving, and desires more, as it is stated: “When they were fed, they became full, they were filled, and their heart was exalted; therefore have they forgotten Me” (Hosea 13:6).”
As you can see, our sages teach that the more we refrain from acting on our forbidden sexual desires the less we will have the desire to sin. Start by taking upon yourself not to sin in this way. At the beginning it will be hard, as our sages say “all beginnings are hard” but slowly slowly it will become easier to refrain. It will soon be completely natural to live a life without acting on your urges.
There are also many doctors and therapists that can help control such desires. IF you are having difficulty breaking away on your own you should not hesitate to seek help.
You must never forget that every Jew is special and that God loves you as much as everyone else. As mentioned, everyone struggles with different desires and urges. One “inclination” is no better or worse than another. We all struggle and we must all overcome. God rewards us even for the effort.
With that in mind, I want to encourage to connect with your Judaism. Attend synagogue. Make sure you have a siddur and chumash and other holy books in your home to study from. The “Artscroll” publishing company has thousands of books for beginners on all topics in Judaism. And reach out to your local rabbi.
God does not give us a test that we cannot manage.
With blessings