Kibbud Av - Managing A Busy Lifestyle

I’m super busy with work and I keep pushing off visiting my dad. Now I’m really feeling bad about it. Is there any halachic guidance about how often I’m supposed to visit my father?

Thank you for your question.

Hagaon HaRav Amrom Fried shlitah says that there is no fixed time lehalacha, since each situation is different. Is your father lonely, or does he have family who visit him other than you.

However, I would like to share with you the halachic discussion regarding the mitzvah of visiting one’s parents. In the Gemarra Rosh Hashanah 16b it is written that there is an obligation to visit one’s rav on Yom Tov.

תלמוד בבלי מסכת ראש השנה דף טז עמוד ב

ואמר רבי יצחק: חייב אדם להקביל פני רבו ברגל, שנאמר מדוע את הולכת אליו היום לא חדש ולא שבת - מכלל דבחדש ושבת איבעי לה למיזל. 

Rabbi Yitzchak said, a person is obligated to go and greet his Rav on Yom Tov. As the pasuk says, “Why are you going to him today, it is not Rosh Chodesh and not Shabbos,” which implies that on Rosh Chodesh and on Shabbos she should have gone.

 The Gemara is clear. Since one is obligated to visit one’s rav on Yom Tov, why does it bring a reference from the Eishet Shunamit, where it mentions coming to visit once a week or once a month?

The Ritvoh explains that this applies only when one lives in a town far from his rav. However, if he lives in close proximity to his rav, then he needs to visit him every day. And if he lives a bit farther out, then at least once a week. We find by the Eishet HaShunamite that when she came to the prophet Elisha, he asked her why she was coming today, as it was not Rosh Chodesh or Shabbos. So we see that there is a mitzvah to visit one’s rav at least once a week or once a month, depending on how far he lives from the rav. This is brought in the Biur Halacha siman 301 seif 4 as follows:

ביאור הלכה סימן שא

ועוד יותר מבואר שם בריטב"א שכתב דר' יצחק תפס קצה האחרון ובאמת הקבלה הוא כפי קירובו לרבו כי אם הוא בעיר חייב לראותו בכל יום ולא סגי בלא"ה ואם הוא חוץ לעיר במקום קרוב פעם אחת בשבוע או בחודש וזהו הענין בשונמית ואם הוא במקום רחוק יש לו לראותו פעם אחת ברגל עכ"פ עי"ש שהאריך:

…..And it is explained even more clearly in the Ritva, who writes……but in truth the proper approach is according to how close the student is to his teacher. If the student is in the same city, he is obligated to see him every day, and it is not enough to see him less than that. If he is outside the city but in a nearby place, then once a week or once a month is sufficient. Like we find with the Eshet Hashunamite. And if he is in a distant place, he should at least see him once every Yom Tov. 

Now we find that even though this halacha is regarding one’s rav, nevertheless it is brought in the Shulchan Aruch that the halacha of visiting one’s father is the same as visiting one’s rav. This is brought in the Mishnah Berurah siman 301 seif katan 10.

משנה ברורה סימן שא

(י) פני רבו - וה"ה פני אביו 

So, according to the above, one could say that just like one is obligated to visit his rav every day if he lives close by, or once a week depending on how far away he lives, so the same should apply regarding visiting one’s parents.

Nevertheless, Hagaon HaRav Fried shlitah says that when it comes to visiting every day, it cannot be compared to one’s rav, and it would instead depend on the situation and needs of one’s parents.

Wishing you much success.

1.      Rosh Hashanah 16b  

2.      Ritva on Rosh Hashanah 16b

3.      Biur Halacha 301:4 

4.      Mishnah Berurah 301:10 

5.      Hagaon Harav Amrom Fried shlitah Azamroh lishmecho #187