Priority in the Mitzvah of Honoring One's Father and Caring for the Sick versus Studying Torah in a Group and Torah Knowledge

We wish to ask and understand the Torah's perspective and what is the will of Hashem from us. To understand the question, we will preface with several introductions: apologies for the length. A] Our father, our teacher, the crown of our head, shlita (currently 75 years old, widowed from his wife/our mother about 3 years ago) has now fallen and broken both his legs {even before, he could barely walk a few steps with the help of crutches due to a disability from paralysis he had about 40 years ago and also earlier childhood paralysis, which worsened in recent years} and now after falling and undergoing surgery on one leg in the hip area and being cast in plaster on the other leg, he is currently in a nursing state in a veteran rehabilitation department, praying for his full recovery. B] It may be important to note that our father, shlita, is a Torah scholar and teacher, and his lessons in the kollel (about two hours before noon) are now being filled by his third son, Rabbi .... shlita, and the lesson he delivers by phone in the evening he strives to deliver despite the difficulty and suffering. Therefore, perhaps more relevant to him is the issue of weakened spirit due to insufficient attention, especially since he is very devoted to his children and it is very important to him that everything runs as usual, and on the other hand, as mentioned, he is very limited and cannot serve himself. C] It is also important to note that despite our father's stay in a rehabilitation department, which is supposedly adorned with a staff of caregivers, it is far from meeting his needs both in terms of the shortage of caregivers compared to the number of patients, and especially since the entire staff consists of 'Arabs from the sons of Ishmael', who do not treat him with the respect he deserves (to say the least), and certainly do not respond to his requests, but even humiliate and purify him. Even with the presence of family members, it still does not fully improve the treatment. D] And here, after our father, shlita, was transferred from the hospital (where his children were with him about 24 hours a day), for some reason, exactly on the first day of his stay in the rehabilitation department (after a wedding of his grandson took place at night, which he could not attend) he was alone throughout the night after the chuppah and all morning until noon, and fortunately, exactly then he suffered while sitting on the chair, which later caused him to ask his son to ensure full shifts of his children (despite being in a rehabilitation framework), perhaps apart from the real need he felt then, it may also be a matter of feeling and sanctifying the name, when he saw how several Jewish patients hospitalized with him in the department sat with him at the dining room table that morning and after witnessing his suffering and pain, complained to him how it could be that he has 7 sons and none of them is by his side in these difficult hours, and although he immediately answered them that his children are devoted to him and until now have not left him for a moment, it seems that it hurt him, and he saw fit to cover it with the aforementioned explicit request. And indeed, since then, for about a week, they almost do not leave him for a moment day and night. And here before the practical question, we will further explain the family situation and their occupations. E] Our father, shlita, indeed has seven sons, may they be blessed, the eldest is an outstanding scholar and rabbi living in Jerusalem, and the other six live with him in Bnei Brak. One brother teaches in a cheder in the morning and afternoon, the third brother is mainly a kollel student (but now replaces his father and also prepares the evening lesson with him), but also teaches in a cheder in the afternoon for about two hours, the fourth brother delivers lessons in the morning to prisoners in prison, and three more brothers study in a kollel in the morning and afternoon, in a very strong framework where even a small absence can cause very great damage both in the whole, in the weekly material knowledge, the chavruta, the exam, and also including severe damage to the times and framework and loss of the regular kollel support besides the various supports and campaigns, and with him the loss of all the motivation and ability to stand in the learning framework and Torah knowledge. And now this is our question: since we want to do what Hashem wants from us, we want to know what is indeed required from us in the desired manner, both in terms of the priority compared to the above-mentioned work frameworks and kollels, and in terms of prayers in a minyan and the time of Torah reading, etc., (and besides the halachic part, is there also an emotional part and a psychological need, even if according to Halacha it is said that everything is postponed for the sake of honoring the father and serving the sick, or once it is Halacha, everything else is an illusion and should not be followed) and also regarding Shabbatot when each one in turn is supposed to give up/be given up by his family, and also to miss his regular place of prayer near the Rebbe, where actually the prayers with the tish and meal are the oxygen of his life, not only for the whole week.. What about the actual stay, is it correct or desirable to fully fill it/ and what about sending the grandchildren even though it is known that the father is usually less comfortable with them, also because they generally know less about his needs, or just by nature less sensitive and devoted, compared to a son to his father, {and also on the other hand, a grandson, if he is not married or perhaps even if he is but he is still a young avrech, there may be more need for caution from being in such places that pose serious problems with guarding the eyes, etc., so again what against what} also what about (if possible) that each child in turn can hire at his own expense (at least for part of the time) a 'messenger', i.e., another Jewish companion/caregiver. Is there an insult or disrespect to the father's honor in this? Or is it allowed or desirable? Therefore, our request is that the honorable rabbi show us the desired path in pure Torah opinion, {so that even if perhaps partially already acting correctly, but when we know exactly how to do according to the will of our Father in heaven, we can do it with complete intention and joy of a true mitzvah and not by coercion and with sorrow, God forbid}. But it is important for us to emphasize from the mitzvah of 'and you shall be careful' and perhaps also from the law of 'her ways are ways of pleasantness' that the children of our father, shlita, most of them do not have especially strong and healthy character, and as is known, the weakness that has descended upon the world in our generation in particular, both in terms of weakness and illness of the body, and in terms of weakness of the souls, not everyone is the same as his friend, but the common denominator is that they are not particularly strong to take on too big projects, which seem to them at least as dangerous to their weak souls, so also from this point of view it is important to take into account in clarifying the Torah's opinion. And may Hashem guide us in paths of righteousness for His name's sake, amen and amen. Thank you, Y. H...

Hello,

The question is very complex and deals with one of the most serious issues, as stated in the Jerusalem Talmud. Therefore, I took some time to respond.

Before I begin to detail the line of law, it is important to remember that even when the sons are exempt from honoring, if they fulfill it, they have a positive commandment from the Torah, whose reward is promised both in this world and in the next.

Now let's move on to the essence of the question:

A. Loss of money by the sons at work and in the kollel: It is ruled in the Gemara 'honoring one's father at the father's expense', meaning the financial expenditure for honoring is imposed on the father and not on the sons. On the other hand, it is said in the Gemara that the son must cancel his work for the sake of honoring, and this is not considered 'at the son's expense'. Therefore, according to the simplicity of the sugya, the sons are obligated to cancel their work and working hours [both actual work and kollel salary hours] for the sake of honoring their father.

However, the poskim write that if the son loses his position due to honoring, it is considered 'at the son's expense', and he is exempt. Since he will lose not only the work time but the position, which is considered his 'property'.

Accordingly, it depends on whether the sons only lose the salary for that time - they are obligated. And if they have general losses at their workplace, besides the hours of honoring - they are exempt.

B. Cancellation of Torah study: It is ruled in Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De'ah, Siman 240, Sif 13) that Torah study is greater than honoring one's father and mother. Accordingly, if the son is distracted from his Torah study, he is exempt from honoring his father. However, the Pitchei Teshuva (Subparagraph 8) writes: 'Torah study is greater, this is specifically if he needs to go outside the city (as stated in paragraph 25), but if he is in the city, he must serve his father and return to his Torah study, as stated in Siman 246, Sif 8. So writes the P'ri Chadash in Likutim'.

C. Prayers in a minyan, Torah reading, Shabbatot, etc.: It is like any person engaged in a mitzvah, such as caring for the sick, if it contradicts prayer in public, etc., the caregiver is exempt.

D. Messenger to assist the father: A messenger can be sent if the benefit to the father is equal with the messenger. But if the father requests that the son himself come, there is no 'messenger is like him', and the father's consent can be requested for this.

E. Weakness of the sons: It is impossible for another person to answer this. After all, many people are naturally weak, work many hours in labor or study, and have no fear of illness in this. Conversely, there are certainly very weak people, for whom any burden puts them to bed. But it can be suggested that they estimate themselves, if their young son was hospitalized, would they not muster strength and courage to help him and fulfill all his desires?

Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah, Siman 240