Whose Customs to Follow?
Question
I have a question regarding minhagim after marriage. If a woman converted to Judaism through an Orthodox Ashkenazi framework and has been observing Ashkenazi customs (including refraining from kitniyot on Passover), and she later marries a Sephardic man who follows Sephardic customs and eats kitniyot, what is the proper practice for her after marriage?
Should she continue following her Ashkenazi customs, or does she adopt her husband’s Sephardic customs and begin eating kitniyot as well, especially considering they share the same household and kitchen?
Thank you very much for your guidance.
Answer
Shalom!
Thank you for your question.
As a general rule, a woman, upon marriage, adopts the customs of her husband.
The reason for this is that upon entering marriage, since a woman is considered reshut acheirim aleha, meaning she is under the authority of either her father or her husband, therefore when she gets married a woman adopts her husband’s customs, regardless of whether they are stricter or more lenient than her previous customs, therefore the Halacha is, that she may eat Kitniyot.
However, if she wants to keep her customs, she is permitted to do so as long as it does not affect her husband and he is agreeable. For example, if the husband is stringent and ends Shabbat 72 minutes after sunset (while most end it about 45 minutes after sunset), the wife is not obligated to follow him in this matter and may adhere to the commonly accepted time.