Parashat Vayishlach – Flattery of the Wicked
Question
A guten Shabbos!
Is it permitted to flatter a wicked person in a situation of danger?
And how was it permitted for Yaakov to flatter Esav and tell him that seeing his face is “like seeing the face of God,” when it is forbidden to flatter a wicked person?
Answer
The Question:
Is it permitted to flatter a wicked person in a situation of danger?
And how was it permitted for Yaakov to flatter Esav and tell him that seeing his face is “like seeing the face of God,” when it is forbidden to flatter a wicked person?
Explanation of the question:
In our parasha it is stated (Bereishit 33:10) that when Yaakov met his brother Esav, he said to him: “וַיֹּאמֶר יַעֲקֹב אַל נָא אִם נָא מָצָאתִי חֵן בְּעֵינֶיךָ וְלָקַחְתָּ מִנְחָתִי מִיָּדִי כִּי עַל כֵּן רָאִיתִי פָנֶיךָ כִּרְאֹת פְּנֵי אֱלֹהִים וַתִּרְצֵנִי.”
On the simple level, Yaakov’s intention was to praise Esav, his brother, that he is as important as an angel of God, in order that he not kill him. So explains Rashi: “It is fitting and proper for you to accept my gift, for I have seen your face, and it is important to me like seeing the face of the angel, for I have seen your guardian angel.”
Now, one of the sins for which the Torah greatly intensified the punishment is flattery of the wicked. As written in Sefer Yere’im (mitzvah 55): “Our Rock commanded in the section ‘Eleh mas’ei’: ‘You shall not flatter the land’ (‘לא תחניפו את הארץ’), and it is taught in the Sifri that this is a warning to flatterers, etc. A person must beware of flattery, for its punishment is great. For Rabbi said: Any congregation in which there is flattery will in the end go into exile, etc. And the flatterer is called one who defiles the land, and he transgresses ‘You shall not flatter’ and ‘You shall not make unclean,’ and he causes the Shechina to depart from Israel.”
The most severe aspect of flattery is to affirm the wickedness and say that the wicked person is righteous, as Rabbeinu Yonah writes (Sha’arei Teshuvah, Gate 3, sec. 187), explaining who are the flatterers about whom it is said: “They do not merit to receive the Presence of the Shechina.” He explains that there are nine parts to this. The first and most severe is: “the flatterer who recognized or saw or knew that there is injustice in the hand of his fellow, that he clings to deceit, or that a man sins with lashon hara or with hurtful words, and he smooths over his words, saying, ‘You have done no wrong.’” If so, how was it permitted for Yaakov to flatter the wicked Esav?
However, Tosafot (Sotah 41b, s.v. “kol hamechanef”) write that the prohibition of flattery applies only when there is no danger, but in a situation of danger it is permitted to flatter a wicked person so that he will not harm him. They prove this from the story related in the Gemara (Nedarim 22a) about the Amora Ulla, who was traveling to Eretz Yisrael, and two men accompanied him. On the way, one of them murdered the other. The murderer asked Ulla, “Did I do well?” and Ulla answered him: “Yes, go and cut his throat completely.” When Ulla reached Eretz Yisrael, he asked Rabbi Yochanan whether he had acted properly in agreeing with that murderer, and Rabbi Yochanan answered him: “You saved your life.”
According to this, we understand why it was permitted for our forefather Yaakov to praise Esav with flattering words in order to save his life.
But we must wonder in the opposite direction: what was Tosafot’s doubt whether one may flatter a wicked person in a case of danger, when all the prohibitions of the Torah are set aside for the sake of saving a life, except for the three cardinal sins?
Several explanations have been given to this question; we will cite some of them:
A. In the sefer Birkat Avraham (Erlanger, on Nedarim 22a) it is written that, in truth, where there is only a fear of danger, a person is forbidden to flatter a wicked person, as Rabbeinu Yonah writes (Sha’arei Teshuvah, Gate 3, sec. 188), and a person is obligated to endanger himself rather than burden his soul with such a grave sin. Therefore, Tosafot had to innovate that the prohibition applies only where there is a doubtful danger, but in a clear and proven danger, as in the case of Ulla with that man who had already shown himself to be a murderer, in such a case it is permitted to flatter him.
According to this explanation, Yaakov understood that the danger posed by Esav was clear and proven, and therefore he was permitted to flatter him.
B. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Responsa Igrot Moshe, Orach Chaim, vol. 2, siman 51) explains that there are two types of flattery. One is to tell a wicked person that his deeds are in accordance with the law, and this is forbidden even in a case of definite mortal danger, because in doing so one is like a denier of the Torah. But when one does not distort the Torah, rather only strengthens the hands of the wicked, it is permitted to flatter in a situation of danger. This aspect is what Tosafot prove from the story of Ulla, who said to the murderer, “You did well.”
According to this explanation, the reason why Yaakov was permitted to flatter Esav is that he did not validate his deeds or say that they were in accordance with the law, but merely praised him by saying that he is as important as an angel.
C. A novel explanation was given on this by Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashiv zatzal (Kovetz He’arot al HaTorah). In truth, it is obvious that one may transgress almost any prohibition in the Torah in order to be saved from mortal danger. But with regard to flattery, there might have been grounds to prohibit it on a secondary basis. This is based on what is explained in the Gemara (Sotah 41b): “Whoever flatters his fellow will in the end fall into his hand.” From the Gemara it appears that this is a nature engraved in creation: the flatterer falls into the hand of the one whom he flatters. If so, one might say that there should be no permission to flatter a wicked person even in a dangerous situation, for his flattery will not help him to be saved; on the contrary, it will be the very cause of his falling into the hand of the wicked. Therefore, Tosafot needed to prove that it is permitted to flatter in a situation of danger, and since this is flattery that is permitted, it no longer falls under the rule “in the end he falls into his hand,” and it indeed has the benefit of saving him.
This wonderful principle, that one who fawningly submits himself to another gives him the power to harm him, we can see from the following story, related by HaRav HaGaon Rabbi Yekutiel Yehuda Halberstam zatzal, the Rebbe of Sanz-Klausenburg:
Once a group of empty and wild non‑Jewish youths came to our town and cast fear upon the townspeople with their wild behavior. They shouted loudly, smashed windows, and caused damage to people and property that came their way. All the residents of the town stayed locked in their homes the whole day in great fear. That night a wedding was to take place in town, and I was supposed to officiate the kiddushin. They came and told me that the holy Rabbi of Naszód zatzal had arrived and was waiting for me. When I came to him, I was surprised to see that there was no sign of worry or fear on him. We spoke, and in the midst of the conversation the Rav of Naszód remembered that he had not yet recited the blessing over the new moon. He gathered a minyan, went outside, and stood in the middle of the street, not far from where the gang of rioters was sitting. He recited Birkat HaLevanah calmly and melodiously, and afterwards he instructed the worshippers to sing “Tovim Me’orot,” as was the custom in their community.
After that we went to the chuppah, which was held in a house adjacent to the place where those wicked people were sitting. The escorts of the groom began to walk quickly out of fear, and the Rav of Naszód rebuked them that one may not run with a groom, who is compared to a king, and he continued on his way with calm and composure. “When I saw this,” relates the Rav of Klausenburg, “I understood what bitachon (trust in God) and true faith really are.”
And he added an explanation that this is what our Sages meant (Orchot Tzaddikim, Sha’ar HaChanufah, based on the Gemara Sotah 41b): “Whoever flatters a wicked person falls into his hand.” Since one who flatters a wicked person attributes to him power to cause harm, by that very act he gives him power to rule over him. But a person who behaves with trust in God, with clear knowledge that the wicked are vanity and emptiness, and that sovereignty is only in the hands of God, such a person cannot be harmed by the wicked. (Based on Shefa Chaim, Torah uMo’adim):
