Parashat Vayechi

It is written that when Yaakov crossed his hands to bless Yosef’s two children, he placed his right hand on Efraim and his left hand on his older brother, Menasheh. When Yosef saw this, he said:
בראשית מח, יח
וַיֹּאמֶר יוֹסֵף אֶל אָבִיו לֹא כֵן אָבִי, כִּי זֶה הַבְּכוֹר, שִׂים יְמִינְךָ עַל רֹאשׁוֹ.
“Don’t do it like this father, since he (Menasheh) is the firstborn. Place your right hand on his head.”
The question is, how is it possible that Yosef contradicted his father by saying “Do not do it like this”? 
It is brought in the Shulchan Aruch Le’Halacha, (Yoreh Deah, siman 240), Lo yistor divrei aviv, that one may not contradict his father.
There is even a story brought in Masechet Sanhedrin, page 81a, that when Rabbi Yehudah learned with his father, he said to his father Yechezkel, “Abba, do not learn it this way!” Shmuel then said to Rabbi Yehudah that one may not speak like this to one’s father. And Rashi explains the reason is that by pointing out to one's father that he is mistaken, may cause him anguish and shame.
We need to understand the following: how is it possible that Yosef Hatzadik contradicted his holy father, Yaakov Avinu, and also spoke in what seems to be disrespectful language?

First, let's go a little deeper and try to understand the language that Yosef used: לא כן אבי!  Which, as we discussed, seems to be a disrespectful way of speaking to one's father.
There are two interesting ways to understand this, based on 2 mefarshim:
The Perush of the Rashbam and the Daas Zekeinim miBaalei Tosafot:
The Rashbam explains that Yosef realized that Yaakov did not have clear vision, as it is written, ויכבדו עיניו מזוקן, his sight had weakened due to old age. And so, when Yosef was standing opposite Yaakov and positioned his two sons in front of him for his father to bless them, he thought that his father was thinking that Yosef placed the older boy to his (Yosef’s) right, which would be the left of Yaakov, and the younger boy to his (Yosef’s) left, which is the right of Yaakov. That is why Yaakov therefore crossed his hands so that his right hand would be placed on the older boy’s head.
So based on this assumption, Yosef said, “Lo kein, avi!” He wasn’t referring to his father making a mistake, but rather that he (Yosef) didn’t make a mistake when positioning his two sons, and that they were placed, the older one to Yaakov’s right.
So based on this, he wasn’t contradicting his father; he was pointing out that he (Yosef) did not make a mistake.
This is a quote from the Rashbam:
וזה לשון הרשב״ם (בראשית מח, יז):
יוסף אמר ליעקב: לא כן סדורים הבנים כמו שאתה סבור, שלא דקדקתי להביאם כסדר לפי ימינך ושמאלך, אלא הבכור הבאתי לימינך והצעיר לשמאלך, ולכן אתה מעקם ידיך….
The Perush of the Tzafnas Paneach :
We find in the Torah that the word kein (כן) could mean “correct,” and just for example, with regard to the claims of Bnos Tzelofchad, the Torah writes:
כן, בנות צלפחד דוברת
Which means that the claims of Bnos Tzelofchad are correct.
So based on this, Yosef wasn’t contradicting his father; he was asking, “Lo kein, avi?” Is it not correct to place your hands on the firstborn? And so this would not be considered disrespectful, since he was merely asking.
This is the quote of the Pa’aneyach Rozoh:
"לא כן אבי, פירוש: כן, כמו כן דיברת, כן בנות צלפחד, כלומר יפה. וכמתמיה אמר: וכי לא יפה עשיתי להעמידם כך?"


How was Yosef permitted to contradict his father?
The Tzafnas Paneach on the Torah asks this question and answers that the prohibition against contradicting one’s father applies to matters of Torah and learning, like in the Gemara we mentioned earlier, but in worldly matters, it is permitted.
However, there is a dispute among the poskim regarding how to understand the words of the Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah siman 240), which states that one may not contradict his father. Is this prohibition only when it comes to Torah matters, or is it only regarding worldly matters?
LeHalacha, the Chayei Adam (klal 67, 8) rules that it is forbidden in both cases, so according to this, we need to give another answer to this question.
However, based on the two perushim we mentioned earlier, we may be able to answer the above question.
1. According to the approach of the Rashbam, Yosef was concerned that his father would bless the wrong son. There are even opinions that, in such a case, the blessing would not work if there is mistaken identity. In this situation, correcting one’s father from a mistake would be permitted, and perhaps even obligatory.
2. According to the approach of the Paneach Raza, Yosef spoke in the form of a question about what his father was doing. The Chazon Ish (Yoreh De’ah siman 149, Ot 1) writes that what is forbidden is to contradict one’s father in a definitive, declarative manner, but speaking respectfully in the form of a question is permitted.
We can maybe add a third approach;
Rashi earlier explained that the reason that one may not point out a mistake to one’s father is because it would cause him anguish and shame. This would apply when the father made a mistake in reasoning or in halacha. However, when the son is merely pointing out the factual reality, in a respectful manner, this would not cause one father anguish and shame.
For example, if a father thinks he parked his car on a certain street, and the son respectfully tells him that the car is parked on a different street, this would not cause a father to be embarrassed by such a mistake. So to, when Yosef was only clarifying the reality respectfully, either because he feared that his father was mistaken, according to the Rashbam, or because his eyesight had dimmed in old age, this would not cause Ya’akov embarrassment.
In Practice:
Hagaon Harav Amrom Fried Shelittah says, I quote;
שאם אדם רואה שאביו טועה, בין בענייני שמים ובין בענייני העולם.. אסור לומר טעית אלא יאמר לו שאולי זה אחרת .
If a person sees his father is mistaken, either in Torah matters or worldly matters, it is forbidden to say you are mistaken; rather, one should say maybe it can be done a different way…

In connection with the importance of the mitzvah of honoring one’s father and mother, I heard in the name of the author of Ayelet HaShachar, zichronoh li’vracha, who said:
In earlier generations, people generally lived until fifty or sixty years of age, whereas in our generation, Baruch Hashem, many merit exceptionally long lives.
He explained that since we are in the exile of Edom, and Esav has the merit of Kibbud Av vaeim since he respected his parents very much, therefore Hashem wants us to overcome this merit of Esav by our parents living long lives so that we should have the merit of honoring parents and through this merit of Kibbud Av vaeim , may we see the coming of Mashiach speedily and in our days.