Borrowing for parents’ sake

Dear Rabbi! I’m in the process of coming closer to Judaism through some classes on the internet, and I’m trying to practice what I learn. Lately, I learned about the commandment of giving charity; I learned that someone who gives without measurement and without limit, brings a great flow of blessing upon himself. My parents took out a huge mortgage in order to build a housing unit near their house for me. I’m studying for a degree, and they want me to live near them. But they’re still 80,000 NIS short of finishing the construction, and they asked me to give them this sum by taking out a loan in my name and adding this sum to the mortgage. I only have occasional gigs and make about 4,500 a month. I’m very worried about what will happen if one month I won’t have enough money, especially since this income isn’t really enough for me as it is, and there are months that I finish in the red. So, what does the Rabbi say? Should I just jump in headlong and give this money, and bring endless blessing upon myself?  

Dear …!

I have to tell you that I am very impressed not only with the fact that you are getting closer to Judaism, but also with your seeking how to fulfill it in practice every lesson that you learn. This wonderful quality will take you very far, with the help of G-d.

The answer to your question is twofold. First of all, of course, giving brings a flow of blessing upon a person. However, the Torah obligates us to give in a balanced and calculated manner. For example, the sages forbade giving more than 20% of one’s income to charity, with the exception of a few special cases, because a person has to worry about his own needs and his own economic health first. What is recommended is to give 10% of your income to charity, and if you have the means, 20%, but not more than that.

It's very important for someone who is coming closer to Judaism, to seek advice, especially in this matter. You have to remember, what the Rambam writes about this very issue. He states that the Torah demands that a person be generous, which means maintaining a balance between being a spendthrift, who gives to charity without keeping track of how much he gave and without thinking about the future and about himself, on one hand, and being a miser, who is too worried about his future to give anything — maybe someday he’ll need it, on the other.

Now, concerning your specific question: there is another issue here, and that issue is appreciation. The Creator, may He be blessed, created us with a feeling that we are the center of the Universe. Someone is burdened with the responsible to satisfy our every need, so that we’ll be able to live happily and thrive, and to enjoy life at least as much as everyone else. And most of us are sure that our parents, others, and even the Creator Himself have the absolute obligation to supply us with everything. And the truth is that this is desirable, and it’s recommended that a child be brought up in such atmosphere up to a certain age. However, as we mature, we have to start working on ourselves and little by little wean ourselves of these thoughts and to begin to understand that no-one owes us anything, and we have to appreciate every single thing that is given to us or done for our benefit.

You were blessed with such wonderful, devoted parents. They took a huge mortgage upon themselves in an effort to provide you with a housing unit next to their house. What this means is that they are paying a very significant part of your daily expenses. You won’t have to rent your own apartment and pay the insane amounts that this costs nowadays. All this is true even if in the future this housing unit will be used by other children, or for other purposes.

Therefore, in your case, since paying your part of the mortgage is going to be far less expensive than paying for rent and other living expenses for someone living on her own, there is no doubt in my mind, that due appreciation of your parents obligates you to take upon yourself some of the yoke that they subject themselves to for your sake.

Having said that, I certainly understand your concern about taking a loan that you are not sure that you’ll be able to repay. Therefore, it would be a good idea for you to talk to your parents and tell them how much you appreciate them, how you take to heart the major effort that they’re undertaking for your sake, etc. However, you are very worried that one fine month you won’t have enough work and you will not be able to make your that month’s payment on the loan. Ask them if they are willing to provide you with a safety net, and, when and if such a month comes, to make up what you can’t pay with your own money. You, on the other hand, should make an effort to reduce your expenses so as to save enough money for these payments.