Vowed not to get close to husband

My husband was making fun of me, so I got really upset at him and vowed not to get close to him anymore. What am I going to do now? I regret having taken this vow.

Dear ...!

First of all, you should be very, very cautious with words such as “vow” and “oath”, and never use them at all, since this could cause things that aren’t good at all, G-d forbid. And this is true even if you took a vow to fulfill a commandment. How much more so, if you take a vow like this!

Practically, there are several options how to annul your vow. If your husband hasn’t yet heard about it, you should teach him the following law: if he hears about your vow and doesn’t want it, he can just say to you “this is annulled to you” (“מופר לך”), and the vow will be annulled. Then tell him about your vow. But if your husband agreed with your vow, or if after he heard it and didn’t say anything, the sun already set (that is, he didn’t annul it on the day he heard it), then he no longer has the power and authority to annul it. Then you have to go to a rabbi who will hear you out and will either annul your vow, or, it very well could be that, after hearing all the details of what happened, he’ll tell you that the vow was never valid in the first place. But for this you have to go to physical rabbi, you can’t resolve this situation over email. If you don’t know where a rabbi is available in your area, write to us, and we’ll try to direct you to a place where you’ll be able to receive guidance and instruction.

May you hear good news and have a good week.

Shulchan Oruch, section Yore Dea, chapter 234