A curse hangs over a family

Dear Rabbi, Our story is as follows. There is a curse hanging over our family. About half of my grandfather’s children and grandchildren died under tragic circumstances before they reached the age of 40! And there absolutely no connection between the events. Nothing ever happened to my grandfather’s and my grandmother’s siblings on both sides, not even once. All their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren live into their old age in excellent health. Only my grandfather and my grandmother have been cursed. I have to note that we have visited many, many famous rabbis, took upon ourselves all kinds of practices, did all kinds of “redemptions of the soul”, and absolutely nothing helps. But what is really frightening is that a few years ago, not long before Yom Kippur, my great-grandfather’s brother told my grandfather that he knows why there is a curse. But this is not a conversation that should be conducted over a telephone. He has to come to him in person and tell him all about it before Yom Kippur. The problem is that on his way to my grandfather, he suddenly careened out of his lane, went flying into a wall and died. The assessment of the police detective who investigated the accident is that he had a heart attack or something similar to that while driving. I have to tell you that our troubles continue. An extremely tragic even took place this year as well.  Is there a permitted way that I can contact the dead in order to find out what this curse is about, and to save lives? May peace and blessing be upon you  

It is with great pain that I read your account. However, our goal is not to learn what exactly is the curse, but to try to remove it. As for the horrible accident, there are two possibilities that we should consider.

There is a curse, but the Creator doesn’t want us to know, what it is. This is the reason your grandfather’s uncle was taken away from us – so he won’t tell. If this is the case, trying to find out will be futile. The Creator knows that the right way to fix things is without knowing their cause. On the contrary, if we find the cause in a way that the Creator doesn’t want, for example, by flouting the prohibition of necromancy, we may indeed discover the root cause of the curse, but surely nothing good will come of it. On the contrary, in the merit of fulfilling the commandment of (Deuteronomy 18:13) “you shall be wholehearted with Lord your G-d” [which means wholeheartedly following all the commandments and prohibitions of the Torah, without looking for excuses], you should have a very great deliverance.

In the Talmud there is a solution to exactly this kind of problem. There is a curse on the House of Eli. This is mentioned in the prophets (I Samuel 3:14). The Creator Himself swore that this curse will remain on this family forever, and they will always die young. However, the Talmud (Rosh Hashana 18a) writes that a member of this family who occupies himself with Torah learning, which is combined with the performance of acts of kindness and good deeds, can rescue himself from this decree. And thus it says (Proverbs 16:6): “Through kindness and truth [Torah] inequity will be forgiven”.

However, it is also possible that the whole reason for this curse is some heavy offense that was done to that uncle. And when he wanted to come and tell you about it before Yom Kippur, so that his heart will be appeased, he couldn’t stand the memory of this insult, and had a heart attack. Or it could be that he simply couldn’t concentrate on driving. Therefore, in my opinion, it’s worth it for you also to gather a quorum of ten men, to visit this uncle’s grave and to ask him for forgiveness. Tell him that if there is anything that offended him, you are asking for his forgiveness. In addition to that, say psalms, learn Mishna and give charity for the elevation of his soul. May we only hear good tidings; all troubles should be over for you and for all house of Israel.

Tractate Rosh Hashana, folio 18a; Shulchan Oruch, section Yore Dea, ch. 179, §13