Asking Forgivness

Do we ask for forgiveness before Rosh Hashana or yom , kippur ?

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

Asking forgiveness from those who we’ve wronged is appropriate every day of the year. This is especially true during the month of Elul, the month before Rosh Hashana, whose things is “the month of mercy and forgiveness.” Although the context of “mercy and forgiveness” refers to our sins against G-d, it is no less appropriate to include our sins against our fellow many during this month, even more than usual.

But to answer your question directly: asking for forgiveness is most emphasized in advance of Yom Kippur. Indeed, Yom Kippur does not atone or erase or sins against our fellow man. It only absolves us for the sins committed against G-d (when accompanied with fasting, prayer, and sincerity). We must individually and specifically seek the forgiveness of those we wronged in order to be forgiven by people.

Here are some details on seeking forgiveness from others:

1. One should specify why one is seeking forgiveness from another person unless doing so would cause further embarrassment to the victim, le'chatchilah one should ask forgiveness in front of three people so the other party sees that you are serious.

2. If the other party refuses to forgive you, one should try seeking forgiveness another two times. 

3. If the person one seeks forgiveness from has died one should go to their grave, with a minyan of ten men, and ask forgiveness in this manner. If the grave is in another city, one can delegate a minyan to go one one’s behalf.

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