Shiva
Question
Can you tell me a bit about the Shiva visit. What are you supposed to do/say? Is it OK to just call? What about visiting on Shabbos?
Answer
Shalom!
Thank you for your question!
Just to give some introduction for our readers: Shiva is the term for the 7 days of intense mourning observed on the death of one of the seven closest relatives: mother, father, sister, brother, husband, wife, son, daughter. The mourners sit on the ground or a low chair during this period. It seems that the Patriarchs were the originators of the Shiva as we are told that Avraham Avinu sat Shiva on the passing of his wife Sarah, and Yosef sat Shiva on the passing of his father, Yakov Avinu.
It is customary for friends to visit those who are mourning “sitting Shiva.” We are told that when one visits a mourner, one not only comforts the mourner, but the deceased individual, as well. Before leaving the Shiva house we wish the mourners"Hamakom Yaenachem Etchem B'toch Shaar Aveili Tzion V'yerushalayim…" - May G-d comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
One who is unable to personally visit a Shiva house is encouraged to at least call and comfort the mourners by phone as best possible. Nevertheless, this is not a true fulfillment of the mitzva of comforting mourners as only with a personal visit does one fulfil the component of comforting the deceased, as well. But nevertheless, as mentioned, there is a component of the mitzva that is fulfilled and one should do so.
It is worth mentioning that although it is not customary to visit mourners on Shabbos, it is officially permitted to do so when needed but one greets (or takes leave of) the mourners with “Shabbos hi milnacheim unechama krova lavo,” “Shabbos is not a time for comforting mourners but may comfort come speedily.”
So too, one mourning for a parent can be greeted with the traditional “Hamakom Yaenachem Etchem B'toch Shaar Aveili Tzion V'yerushalayim…” blessing for a full year from the death.
Bereishit 7:4; Sanhedrin 108b; Moed Katan 20a; Bereishit Rabba 32:10; OC 286:1; Aruch Hashulchan, OC 287:3, YD 385:2.