Mourner's Kaddish for a Grandparent

My Grandmother was Niftar and my Father is the only one who can say Kaddish for her, but his extensive health problems prohibit him from doing this regularly. Can I say Kaddish for him whenever he is unable to, so he doesn't have to pay someone else to do it, which may also be embarrassing for him to ask. Both my Mother and Father are alive (B"H), but they are divorced.

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

There is much discussion whether a grandson should recite Kaddish for his deceased grandparents if there is no son who will be doing so or whether the family should assign the job to someone else.

Some authorities argue that it is indeed preferable for a grandson to recite Kaddish rather than someone else. This is based on the Talmudic teaching that “grandchildren are like children.” Furthermore, we are taught that mitzvot performed by grandchildren serve as a merit for their deceased grandparents.

Others argue that the teaching that “grandchildren are like children” is merely inspirational in nature and does not much any halachic weight. According to this approach, there is no preference for a grandson to recite Kaddish for a grandparent over anyone else. Indeed, one of the reasons that a son is obligated to recite Kaddish for a parent is due to the mitzva to honor one’s parents. According to many authorities, there is no true obligation to honor grandparents and, hence, no true obligation to recite Kaddish for them.

Nevertheless, a grandson may certainly accept it upon himself to recite Kaddish for a grandparent if he chooses to do so. However, we are told that one should not recite Kaddish for anyone if both one’s parents are alive due to concerns for the “evil eye.” However, if both parents give permission to recite Kaddish then one may do so. If even one parent objects then one should not do so.

If, for whatever reason, there is no relative to recite Kaddish, then someone should be hired to do so. In fact, it is better to pay someone to recite Kaddish rather than have someone do it for free. The person honored for the job should be a God-fearing individual. By hiring someone who could really use the money, one also fulfills the mitzva of tzedaka which brings even more merit to the deceased.

Kiddushin 4a; Biur Hagra, YD 240:34; OC 132:2; Magen Avraham 132:2; Knesset Yechezkel 240; Shevut Yakov 2:92; Kaf Hachaim, OC 55:28; Be’er Heitev 132:5.