Dyeing ones hair black and "Lo silbash"

I have a date coming up, and since a lot of my hair has turned white. I worry that people might perceive me as old, (I am only 23) which causes me embarrassment. May I dye my hair black to look like everyone else? Does the prohibition of 'lo silbash' apply to dyeing one's hair?

Thank you for your question.

As you know there is an issur called “lo silbash” a man may not wear cloth of a women, as it says in Deuteronomy 22,5

דברים פרק כב, ה

לֹא יִהְיֶה כְלִי גֶבֶר עַל אִשָּׁה וְלֹא יִלְבַּשׁ גֶּבֶר שִׂמְלַת אִשָּׁה כִּי תוֹעֲבַת ה' אֱלֹהֶיךָ כָּל עֹשֵׂה אֵלֶּה.

A woman may not wear men’s clothing, nor may a man wear women’s clothing, for Hashem your G-d detests anyone who does this.

As you correctly pointed out, it does not mention anything about dyeing one's hair. However, the Talmud in Tractate Shabbos (page 94b) writes that included in this prohibition is anything a man does to beautify himself in the way women do. For example, women would pluck out their white hairs from the black, so if a man does so, he will have transgressed this prohibition of ‘lo silbash’

This halacha is brought in the Rambam (Hilchos Avodah Zoroh perek 12 halacha10):

רמב"ם הלכות עבודה זרה פרק יב הלכה י

המלקט שערות לבנות מתוך השחורות מראשו או מזקנו משילקט שערה אחת לוקה מפני שעדה עדי אשה, וכן אם צבע שערו שחור משיצבע שיער לבנה אחת לוקה,

One who plucks out white hairs from among the black ones from his head or from his beard, as soon as he plucks out one hair he is lashed because it is a testimony to womanly behavior. Similarly, if he dyes his hair black, even if he dyes one white hair, he is lashed.

We learn from this Halacha that it is prohibited to dye one's hair black. However, one can differentiate between this earlier halacha and the case you are asking about, since your objective for dyeing your hair is not necessarily for beauty purposes but rather to avoid embarrassment. We find that this could be considered as "tsar," and therefore, there is room to be lenient, as we will learn in the following Tosfot.

The Talmud Shabbos 50b writes: A person is allowed to remove dried excrement crusts and wound scabs from their skin to alleviate discomfort. However, if the person's intention is to enhance their appearance, it is not permitted. Rashi explains that the reason it is prohibited is, since the intention is to beautify oneself then this is a transgression of “lo silbash”.

Tosfot writes that even if a person removes the excrement crust not because of pain or discomfort but because he feels embarrassed by it, it is also permitted since there is no pain greater than embarrassment.

Therefore, one could say that since your intention is to avoid embarrassment, then as Tosfot writes, one is allowed to do so because doing so to avoid embarrassment is considered like doing it to avoid pain.

So le’halocho it would be permissible for you dye your hair since I understand that your case its quite extreme however if there are only some white hairs and even a person may be uncomftable with it nevertheless difficult to assess alone how critical it is, so it would be advisable to seek guidance from a competent orthodox rabbi since this is a very individual halacha.

This halacha applies not only to someone who wants to dye his hair but also to a person who wants to take a tablet that can return the color of one's hair.

It is interesting to note that sometimes people dye their hair in order to fake their age and receive certain benefits, this would be forbidden. There is a story brought in the Talmud Bava Me’tsiah (page 60b) of Rav Papa who bought a slave who looked young and had black hair. Only later, when Rav Papa asked him to bring water from the well, some of the water splashed onto the hair of the slave, and the dye washed off to reveal his white hair, and Rav Papa realized he had bought a slave older than himself! So, this would be forbidden since it is an issur of "lo son’eh ish be’amito" (one should not deceive his fellow).

Wishing you well.

Deuteronomy 22,5

Talmud Tractate Shabbos page 94b

Rambam Hilchos Avodah Zoroh perek 12 halacha10

Talmud Tractate Shabbos 50b

Talmud Bava Me’tsiah (page 60b)