Name on a Headstone

Hello Rabbi. Question re my friend's headstone. This is his name. Sergio David ben Ezekiel. Is this correct in the Hebrew? סרג’יו דוד בן יחזקאל Or, should 'Sergio' not be included in Hebrew at all, as it's not a Hebrew name?>

Shalom!

Thank you for your question!

Having a headstone/tombstone on top of every grave is an important Jewish custom. We find that our forefather Yakov put up a tombstone on the grave of his wife, Rachel. There is even an opinion that having a tombstone is a Torah obligation! The Talmud calls a tombstone a "nefesh," a soul, which implies how important it is.

A tombstone serves a number of purposes. Most importantly, it informs visitors to the cemetery who is buried there and allows people pay their respects and offer prayers. In ancient times a tombstone served to warn Kohanim that there was someone buried in the area so they would know to keep away.

Regarding your question about the name on the tombstone: The name on the tombstone of a man, as in your case, should be the name that was used to call this person to the Torah. It appears to me that you might be from the Sefardic tradition, and Sefardim are known to use what appears to be secular names for religious purposes, as well.

Therefore, you must determine if “Sergio” was part of his Hebrew name or if it was used separately from the Hebrew name. When this is determined you will know how to prepare the stone.

If it is not his Hebrew name: then if one doesn't have to add it, it is best not to add a non Jewish name on a headstone.

It is worth mentioning that the costs for arranging a tombstone fall upon those who inherit the estate of the deceased. So too, a tombstone should be too large or too small but of the average size and in a modest manner. No one can refuse a tombstone upon their grave and any such requests are to be ignored. We are told that the soul of the deceased receives pleasure by having a tombstone on its grave.

Bereishit 35:19,20; Moed Katan 5b;  Nidda 57a; Shekalim 2:5;  Rambam, Hilchit Avel 4:4;  Sefer Chassidim 738; YD 348, Pitchei Teshuva, YD 356:1; Gesher Hachaim 28:1