How to Honor a Parent After The Pass Away

Mother is dying. She will be buried in NJ and I live in TX. No family will be hosting a shiva. What can I do locally to honor her?

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

I am sorry to hear that your mother is not well.

When a parent passes away one is required to sit Shiva. This is true even if no one will be formally “hosting” a Shiva or if the family (and the deceased) lived far away. If you have no family to join for the Shiva you will simply observe Shiva on your own in your home. You should announce in your community that your mother has died and that you will be sitting Shiva. You should receive visitors during the Shiva at your convenience.

Following the Shiva and mourning regulations there are many ways you can honor the memory of your mother.

First of all, be sure you know the Hebrew date of death, and every year on that day, known as the “Yartzeit” one lights a candle and recites or ensures that the Kaddish prayer will be recited at the prayer services on that day.

Manny synagogues have memorial plaques and other decimation opportunities for you to memorialize your mother. Perhaps you can donate Holy books or other ritual items in her honor and in her memory.

Engage in acts of charity (Tzedaka) in your mother's honor is one of the greatest things you can do. This could include donating to causes she cared about, supporting Jewish organizations, or helping those in need. Acts of kindness performed in her memory are a powerful way to honor her legacy.

Torah study is always extremely important and meaningful. You should attend and sponsor Torah classes in your mother’s memory. You might choose to learn Torah, Mishnah, or other Jewish texts.

Living a life of performing mitzvot will give your mother many “dividends.” Performing acts of kindness, observing Shabbat and holidays, keeping kosher, and maintaining other Jewish traditions can be a tribute to her memory. We are taught that the deceased reap rewards for the mitzvot performed by their children.