Divorce: Intermarriage

I'm asking for a Jewish friend. She is married to a Christian man and wants a divorce after suffering abuse for 19 years. She married in a Christian church and accepted his religious beliefs as he did with hers. She is under the impression she cannot ask him for a divorce without breaking Jewish law and is afraid of being shunned for leaving an abusive marriage as he will not give her a divorce willingly. Any advice please. She is not an orthodox jew.

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

First a word about intermarriage.

A Jew is forbidden to marry a non-Jew. This has nothing to do with cultural preference or prejudice but it is explicitly forbidden by the Torah. It is one the commandments that God gave us at Mount Sinai. A Jew who marries a non-Jew transgresses a severe Torah prohibition, not to mention that intermarriage often also means the cessation of one’s Jewish lineage as the children of a non-Jewish woman are not Jewish regardless if the father is.

In fact, the practice of not intermarrying is so ingrained in the Jewish people that it even predates the Torah! When Abraham, the first Jew, instructed his trusted servant Eliezer to find a wife for his son Isaac, he told Eliezer that under no circumstances may he seek a Canaanite wife for Isaac. He was to find a wife from among Abraham’s monotheistic family. This continued into the next generation when Isaac told his son, Jacob, not to marry “the daughters of the land.”

So not only is intermarriage forbidden, but it has no status or standing in Judaism whatsoever. An intermarried couple is not recognized as being married from the perspective of Judaism, and as such, an intermarried Jew doesn’t truly need a divorce from his or her spouse. Indeed, one should end an intermarriage as soon as possible. That being said, there might be government and legal requirements to formally divorce and one must look into this.

Regarding your friend, she should definitely seek to end the marriage as soon as possible. Judaism does not look down on people who leave abusive marriages and anyone in such a marriage, Jew or non-Jew, should seek urgent assistance. Your friend remains Jewish regardless of the error in her ways.

We wish you all the best of luck with the situation!