Consultation on Parental Behavior

Hello Rabbi, We, the children aged 20 to 10, see our mother suffering and sad because of our father, who says things to her like arguments about a child not getting what he asked for, for example, an egg. It should be noted that we don't have regular meals, so the children are always hungry and begging for food or arguing about giving an egg to a child because Grandma said eggs are unhealthy. There is also a huge difference between our father and mother; father lives and wants to stay in the present, and mother wants things to end, like food, always waiting for things to be over, or the game or conversation. Many arguments happen about a child named after Grandpa who wants to eat in another room or wants another plate of food, and mother sighs as if her world has ended because father agrees to give him more food, but she doesn't want him to have more because he is already overweight. Mother comes from a family of rabbis and learned in a house where you have to listen to the father, but not out of goodwill, only because you have to. Grandma always said, "Either me or Grandpa, I can't live if he's at home due to lack of control." When he was home, she wouldn't say a word and waited for him to leave the house. We, the children, want our mother to stop suffering. Father said he agrees to go for help for change, but he is a Brisker, which means he is very stubborn. Thank you very much.

Hello,

I was very sorry to read about the suffering your parents and you, the children, are going through.

Clearly, thorough treatment is needed here.

It seems that the children blame the father for the arguments, but when I read about what the arguments are about, it is not at all clear that the father is wrong in what he says. However, in any case, it is not right for the children to be the 'judges' to decide which parent is right.

If the father is willing to go, that's wonderful, and that alone can be very helpful.

But it is very important that the mother also be in treatment. And this is the right thing to do.

I hope they find the right person to handle this.

Wishing you a calm and good life.