Reciting 'Eshet Chayil' on Shabbat

Thank G-d, I am currently in the period between erusin (engagement) and the wedding, and I wanted to ask two questions:When we sing Eishet Chayil, is it meant as something to say to a man, telling him that his wife is a woman of valor, etc.? And if so, what does the verse "a woman who fears G-d — she shall be praised, and beauty is vain" mean? Is the intention to teach the man to encourage her more to grow in fear of Heaven? Or is it directed at the woman herself, telling her not to focus on beauty but on fear of Heaven? And if so, how does that fit with the fact that women naturally love beauty?Is it permitted to share with a woman things I’ve learned in Gemara, or divrei Torah, or other Torah insights? And if yes, why isn’t there a concern that she might misunderstand my intent, etc.?Thank you very, very much for everything.

Shalom,

1.  The primary meaning of Eishet Chayil is that it refers to the Holy Shechinah. That is why it is customary to recite it whether one is married, single, divorced, or widowed. Nevertheless, it should not be overlooked that some have also understood it as praise for the woman of the household. 

The encouragement is directed at the woman — that she should not focus on charm and beauty, but on the fear of G-d. Of course, King Shlomo did not intend to discourage a woman from caring about grace and beauty, which do have real and important value in her relationship with her husband. As the Gemara says (Bava Batra 22a), Ezra established that merchants should circulate through the towns so that decorative items would be available for the daughters of Israel — meaning that among the ten foundational enactments made when Israel entered the Land was one to ensure that women would have regular access to perfumes and cosmetics.

This also acknowledges a woman's personal need to beautify herself — a need that Is recognized by Chazal as well (Moed Katan 9b). I’ll quote it here with some explanation:

The Rabbis taught: These are women's adornments — she applies kohl around her eyes to beautify them, parts and arranges her hair, and applies a salve called “sarak” on her face to give it a reddish glow, which is considered attractive. Some say she applies it to the lower part of her face to remove hair there.

The wife of Rav Chisda would adorn herself during Chol HaMoed in front of her daughter-in-law (her son’s wife). Rav Huna bar Chinena was sitting before Rav Chisda and remarked: They only permitted such adornment during Chol HaMoed for a young woman who takes joy in beautifying herself — but for an older woman, it should not be permitted.

Rav Chisda responded: By G-d! (Lashon Shevuah) Even your mother, your grandmother, or an elderly woman who is almost in her grave — it is permitted for them to adorn themselves during the festival, because they have a need for it.

2. It is permitted to share divrei Torah with a woman — and indeed, it was common throughout the generations to share vorts on the weekly portion and similar insights. However, one should not teach in a regular or structured way. In such a format, there is no concern that she might draw halachic conclusions from it.