Lying to Avoid Hurting One's Wife
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Question
I accidentally did something that could hurt my wife. Is it permissible for me to lie to prevent her from being hurt?
Answer
If there is no other option, and the lie pertains to the past rather than something current, it is correct to deviate from the truth for the sake of peace. (Note: The answer is halachic and does not serve as advice on marital issues)
Source
Gemara Yevamot, page 65b: "Rabbi Ilaa said in the name of Rabbi Elazar ben Rabbi Shimon: It is permissible for a person to alter the truth for the sake of peace, as it is stated: 'Your father commanded...' etc. Rabbi Natan says: It is a mitzvah, as it is stated: 'And Samuel said: How can I go? If Saul hears it, he will kill me...' In the house of Rabbi Yishmael, it was taught: Great is peace, for even the Holy One, blessed be He, altered for its sake, as initially it is written: 'and my master is old,' and later it is written: 'and I am old.'"
The early commentators questioned this, as the Gemara in Yevamot, page 63, states: "Rav's wife would distress him. When he said to her, 'Make me lentils,' she would make him peas, and vice versa. When his son Chiya grew up, he reversed it. Rav said to him: 'Your mother has improved!' He replied: 'I reversed it.' Rav said to him: 'This is what people say: 'From you came taste, but do not do so,' as it is stated: 'Teach your tongue to speak falsehood...'"
It is explained that Rav told his son Chiya not to alter even for the sake of peace. Several explanations are found among the early commentators on this.
In Sefer Chasidim, it is written that the permission to alter for the sake of peace applies only to the past, but it is forbidden to lie about the future or present for the sake of peace, and therefore it was forbidden for Rav Chiya to alter and say that the father only wants to eat lentils now instead of peas. This is also ruled by the Magen Avraham in Orach Chaim, Siman 156, Se'if Katan 2.
Meiri wrote that the permission to lie for the sake of peace applies only when there is no other option, but when peace prevails between them even without lying, it is forbidden to lie. This was cited by the Shlah in Sukkah.
The early commentators questioned this, as the Gemara in Yevamot, page 63, states: "Rav's wife would distress him. When he said to her, 'Make me lentils,' she would make him peas, and vice versa. When his son Chiya grew up, he reversed it. Rav said to him: 'Your mother has improved!' He replied: 'I reversed it.' Rav said to him: 'This is what people say: 'From you came taste, but do not do so,' as it is stated: 'Teach your tongue to speak falsehood...'"
It is explained that Rav told his son Chiya not to alter even for the sake of peace. Several explanations are found among the early commentators on this.
In Sefer Chasidim, it is written that the permission to alter for the sake of peace applies only to the past, but it is forbidden to lie about the future or present for the sake of peace, and therefore it was forbidden for Rav Chiya to alter and say that the father only wants to eat lentils now instead of peas. This is also ruled by the Magen Avraham in Orach Chaim, Siman 156, Se'if Katan 2.
Meiri wrote that the permission to lie for the sake of peace applies only when there is no other option, but when peace prevails between them even without lying, it is forbidden to lie. This was cited by the Shlah in Sukkah.
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