Honoring a Complaining Parent

Shalom,In Sanhedrin 92a it is brought that one who lacks understanding should not be assisted or shown mercy. If this is the case, and on the other hand there is the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents — but the parent always finds something to complain about no matter what is done for them — is one still obligated in the mitzvah to help?

Shalom uVracha,

There is a full obligation to help one’s parents with whatever they need, and in addition there is a duty to honor them.

This obligation applies even when the parents may have negative traits.

Even regarding a parent who is an outright rasha, the poskim debate whether the child is still obligated to honor him. But with behavior such as this, one certainly does not become a “rasha,” Chas VeShalom..

(By the way, the Gemara there is certainly not to be taken literally. For if someone has intellect, in the sense of “reason,” are we to say he does not deserve kindness? And one who was not granted intellect by Hashem is surely someone we should pity all the more, and help to the extent possible.)

Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 240:10:
 If a father’s or mother’s mind becomes unstable, one should strive to deal with them according to their state of mind until Heaven has mercy upon them.

Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 240:18:
 Even if one’s father is wicked and a transgressor, one must honor him and fear him.
 Rema: And some say that one is not obligated to honor a wicked father unless he has repented.