Living with Father to Separate from Mother
This question and answer were automatically translated using our trained AI and have not yet been reviewed by a qualified rabbi. Please treat this translation with caution.
go to original →
Question
B'SD Living with elderly parents, unmarried, taking care of father with dementia. There have always been issues with peace in the home, recently worsened due to father's behavior difficulties. Is it permissible without divorce for father to rent an apartment with me due to his medical condition and severe deterioration at home from mother, who also harasses me to the point of suicidal thoughts?
Answer
Hello and Happy Hanukkah
There are several clear points in Halacha that should be noted.
A. A daughter is obligated to honor both her father and mother equally.
B. Even if a mother does not behave nicely towards her daughter, the daughter is obligated to honor her and is forbidden to disgrace her in return.
C. If a mother is harming her daughter, physically or mentally, the daughter is permitted to distance herself from her to prevent further harm.
D. A daughter is forbidden to interfere in her parents' marital issues. However, if it is clear to her that one side is suffering from the other, she is obligated to prevent the suffering.
Therefore, regarding your question: if you are suffering in your mother's home to the extent that you cannot bear it, you are permitted to move to another apartment.
If it is clear to your father that he would be better off living separately from your mother, that is his decision. It should not be your decision what is best for him...
Source
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah, Siman 240, סעיף 3
To what extent is their fear, if the son is dressed in fine clothes and sits at the head of the assembly, and his father and mother come and tear his clothes, and hit him on the head, and spit in his face, he should not disgrace them but should remain silent and fear the King of Kings who commanded him thus.
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah, Siman 240, סעיף 10
If the mind of his father or mother becomes deranged, he should try to deal with them according to their understanding until mercy is shown to them. If he cannot endure it because they have become too insane, he should leave them and instruct others to treat them properly.
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah, Siman 240, סעיף 2
What fear, etc. He does not contradict his words, etc., to say that the words of the father seem correct.