Wills and Last Requests

Am I obligated to comply with my parents' requests that they gave before their passing?

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

Indeed, it is a mitzva to comply with the wishes of the deceased. In halacha this is known as “ mitzva l’kayem divrei hamet .” According to most authorities, fulfilling the wishes of the deceased is a rabbinical mitzva, though some authorities insist that it is a biblical mitzva.

Our first encounter with the concept was with Jacob who asked his sone Joseph not to bury him in Egypt, but rather, in Chevron alongside the other patriarchs and matriarchs. This request was later repeated on his deathbed in the presence of all his children and grandchildren, as well. Yosef and the family complied with the request and buried Yaakov in Chevron.

One of the reasons that it is a mitzva to comply with the wishes of the deceased is that it allows those who die to do so with a clear conscience and a sense of fulfillment. One is encouraged to make a will at an early age.

Nevertheless, one must not comply with the wishes of the deceased when they go against halacha. For example, one is to ignore the request of a parent who requests that shiva or shloshim not be observed upon their passing. One may, however, comply with a parent’s request that one not observe certain mourning practices that are customary during the year of mourning. One should also comply with a deceased’s request for no eulogies at his funeral or that the inscription on his tombstone contain, or not contain, certain text.

However, in practice, every case mentioned above would need to be analyzed, so it would help if you would share with us what the request was..

SOURCES: Gittin 13a–14b, 40a; YD 344:9,10; CM 252:2; Sho’el U’meishiv 1:1; Tosafot, Ketubot 86a; Maharsham 2:224; Sefer Chassidim 719.