What to do in memory of my mom

Hello. My Mom passed a year and a half ago and (for reasons I will not address here) my sister (who was executor of the estate and in charge of the funeral) refused to allow any religious or even mildly Jewish service, refused to hold shiva, and not a prayer was said. It is now a year an a half later and I have never gotten over what my sister did to my Mom (who was faithful all her life) and would like to know if there is anything I can (or need to) do for my Mom's soul at this late a date? I will be visiting my parents' graves next week and will say the mourner's kaddish and El Malei Rachamim (though sadly alone) but if there is anything more I can do at this late a date, I would be forever grateful for that information. Thank you.

Shalom!

Thank you for writing.

Since you knew of your mother's passing, one cannot do the shivah now. However, you would need to do keriah (tearing of the garment) on the garment you wore when you buried your mother.

When it will be time of the Yaretziet, then the Male children should be sure to recite the Kaddish on the yartzeit, the day of death, each year. If you are a woman, and no other siblings will be saying Kaddish, then you can ask or hire a man to recite the Kaddish for you. I f you can then try to also pray before the amud, light a memorial candle, go to the grave, recite the azkarah, try to get an aliyah to the Torah (if it falls on Monday or Thursday), learn Torah for elevation of the soul, recite Tehillim (Psalms), and give charity.

You can also sponsor Torah study projects in memory of your mother. Indeed, if you are a son, you should consider studying Mishna in her memory right away.

When visiting the grave, as you say you will shortly do, you do not recite the Kaddish unless a minyan is present. You should recite Tehillim at the grave.

May her memory be a blessing.

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