Calculating the Thirtieth Day of Mourning
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Question
My grandmother passed away on the 11th of Kislev. When should we visit the grave at the end of the thirty-day mourning period? Should we include the day of death and the day of visiting the grave, which would make it the 9th of Tevet since the month was full, or the 10th of Tevet, which falls on Shabbat? And when should we go then?
Answer
Shalom Rav
The thirtieth day is calculated including the day of burial and the thirtieth day. Therefore, in your case, if the burial was on the day of death, the thirtieth day is the 10th of Tevet.
[ The reference for the thirtieth day is the day of burial, not the day of death, but the yahrzeit and similar dates are determined by the day of death ]
If the thirtieth day falls on Shabbat, you can go up on Friday, or delay and go up on Sunday. It is better to delay than to go early.
Source
Similar to what is said: 'We do not advance calamities'.
And as explained in Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim, 568:9, fasts are not advanced but postponed.