Visiting the Grave on a Yahrzeit

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Question

On the yahrzeit of the parents, there is an annual discussion about whether the children should go to the grave to complete a minyan, and the children suggest paying avrechim or students. What is the appropriate action, especially when on the father's yahrzeit the grandmother is still alive and wishes for the grandchildren to come?

Answer

It is not necessary to have a minyan at the grave on a yahrzeit, but if it distresses the parents that they do not come, they should go. However, if the parents ask what to do, it is preferable that they study. It is also possible to go at night if it will cause less bitul Torah.

Source

Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah, Siman 344, mentions only the end of the 12th month, and only about a sage, prince, and genius, not about every person and not every year. It also does not mention that ten are needed to say Kaddish. Therefore, although it is customary, the law is as stated above. See also Rashi, Yevamot 122.

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