Visiting the grave on a yahrzeit
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Question
On the yahrzeit of the parents, every year there is a discussion whether the children should go to the grave to complete a minyan, while the children say that they would rather pay avreichim or yeshiva students. What is the proper thing to do? And on the yahrzeit of her father, when the grandmother is still alive, he wishes to honor her by having the grandchildren come.
Answer
It is not obligatory to have a minyan at the grave on a yahrzeit. However, if it causes the parents distress that the children do not come, they should go. But if the parents themselves ask what they should do, it is preferable that they engage in Torah study. They can also go to the cemetery at night if this will result in less bittul Torah (interruption of Torah study).
Source
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah, siman 344. There it is mentioned only regarding the end of twelve months, and only for a sage, leader, and Gaon, and not for every person and not every year; it is also not mentioned that ten are required in order to recite Kaddish. Therefore, even though this is the custom, the halacha is as stated above. See also Rashi to Yevamot 122.
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