Date of Visiting the Grave After a Year
Question
My half-brother (from my father’s side) passed away on December 10, 2024 — 9 Kislev 5785 — around 5 p.m. in Paris, France. I’m trying to find out the proper time and date to visit his grave after eleven months.The rabbi in France told my brother’s mother that we should go on October 30, 2025 — 8 Cheshvan 5786.I’d really appreciate some guidance and clarification:Why the 8th of Cheshvan and not the 9th?Why is the visit set for eleven months?Should we go in the morning or in the evening?Besides visiting the grave, is there anything else we should do?I’ve never faced such a loss before, and sadly I don’t have anyone to guide me. Thank you so much.
Answer
Shalom uVracha,
The main visit to the grave is on the yahrzeit itself—that is, on 9 Kislev 5786, which falls on October 31, 2025.
Among many Sephardi communities there is also a custom to visit at the completion of eleven months. This shows that the niftar was not among the wicked who are judged for twelve full months. That is why the rabbi suggested going on 8 Cheshvan 5786 (October 30, 2025), which marks the end of the eleventh month.
People usually go during the day; it doesn’t matter if it’s morning or close to sunset, but it’s customary not to visit at night.
Many Sephardim also hold a small seudah at the eleven-month and recite berachot there for the elevation of the niftar’s soul.
Most important is to accumulate zechuyot (merits) for his neshamah—learning Torah, giving tzedakah, and making sure someone says Kaddish for him on the actual yahrzeit.