Honoring One's Wife
Question
I am giving a talk on honoring one's wife in Judaism. Can you please give me some sources that discuss this?
Answer
Shalom!
Thank you for your question.
Here some sources for you to use.
1. A man is required to honor his wife, and he may not infringe on the honor due to her in any way. We are taught that honoring one’s wife will lead to wealth.[1]
2. One should be sure to purchase gifts for one’s wife, though not things that one cannot afford.[2]
3. A deserving man will find his wife to be of great help to him. On the other hand, if he is undeserving, his marriage will be miserable.[3]
4. The sages teach that one who finds a proper wife finds goodness and will benefit from God’s good favor.[4] A man without a wife is not truly a man.[5]
5. One who marries a woman for financial considerations will have indecent children.[6]
6. A husband should always trust his wife, and by doing so, he will lack nothing.[7]
7. The love between a husband and wife should be able to override disputes centering on issues of self-image and personal agenda.[8] Indeed, we are taught that a husband and wife who are truly in love could sleep together on “the edge of a sword” if need be.[9]
8. Treating one’s wife well will lead to a happy life.[10]
9. It is especially important to ensure that one’s wife is well dressed – to even a higher standard than oneself.[11] Indeed, a Jewish woman should always appear attractive, wearing the finest clothes and jewelry that she can afford.[12] Even the wives of some of our greatest rabbis would never leave their homes unless they were properly made up.[13] We are told that G-d Himself provided jewelry for the Jewish women in the desert by sending some along with the manna each day.[14]
10. It is taught that women have a greater insight into and understanding of life than men.[15] In fact, women are considered to be their own nation.[16]
11. One must always show appreciation for the fact that it is one’s wife who takes care of one’s children. One’s wife also keeps one out of sin’s way.[17] Indeed, although in an otherwise dreadful marriage, Rabbi Chiya was forever grateful to his wife for making herself attractive enough to him that he was never tempted to gaze at other women.[18]
12. One should never show anger in one’s home,[19] and one who does can expect to have Gehinnom waiting for him.[20]
13. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t enjoy the company of your mother.[22]
14. A wife should be allowed to have the final word on matters concerning the home.[23] We are taught that it is the wisdom of women that builds the home.[24] Indeed, “a wife” and “a home” are synonymous in Talmudic literature.[25] One should always let one’s wife know when one plans on being home – don’t just surprise her.[26]
15. One should ensure that one’s wife is always occupied with productive matters.[27]
16. One is required to do one’s best in order to secure a good income for one’s family, as a lack of financial stability is a major cause of marital discord.[29] If you must stretch your budget, stretch it for the benefit of your wife and children.[30]
17. One should be especially careful not to offend one’s wife, as women are easily brought to tears.[31]
[1] Bava Metzia 59a.
[2] Rambam, Hilchot De’ot 5:10; Shabbat 62b.
[3] Yevamot 63a.
[4] Mishlei 18:22.
[5] Yevamot 63a.
[6] Kiddushin 70a. See also Rema, EH 2:1, and Chelkat Mechokek, EH 2:1.
[7] Mishlei 31:11.
[8] Sanhedrin 105b.
[9] Sanhedrin 7a.
[10] Bava Batra 145b.
[11] Maharsha, Yevamot 62a.
[12] Ketubot 59b.
[13] Ta’anit 23b.
[14] Yoma 75b.
[15] Nidda 45b.
[16] Shabbat 62a.
[17] Yevamot 63a.
[18] Yevamot 63a
[19] Gittin 6b.
[20] Nedarim 22a.
[21] Ketubot 61b.
[22] Yevamot 117a.
[23] Bava Metzia 59a.
[24] Mishlei 14:1.
[25] Shabbat 118b.
[26] Nidda 16b.
[27] Ketubot 59b.
[28] Yevamot 116a.
[29] Bava Metzia 59a.
[30] Chullin 84b.
[31] Bava Metzia 59a.