Husband and Wife: Different Torah Views

Hello, Rabbi! I would like advice, as a wife, on how I ought to submit to and honor my husband (who is not a Torah observant) without sinning or displeasing God (as someone who tries her best to keep the Torah and the Mitzvot). My husband is a highly rational, logical, skeptical and scrutinizing man that, while he lives by and embodies many aspects of the Torah and Godly character, we run into conflicts over things like guarding the Shabbat (in his case, the example he gave me is being forced to not be able to attend familial events like weddings, or being able to be there for his family on things like deathbeds and funerals, if it falls on the Shabbat). He also has questions on things like the book of Job, how if we are to submit to God’s wisdom no matter how bad or incomprehensible or bad God has allowed circumstances to be - does that not mean there is no point in seeking Godly wisdom? Worldly wisdom? Where is the line between the wisdom of man and wisdom of God? How would he know that the books of the Tanakh are truly God-breathed, and not selected by people who have an agenda to fulfill? I am not equipped to answer his questions, while he still respects me and lets me keep my Torah-observant ways. I’d appreciate any advice or help. I do not want to displease or misrepresent God to him, nor do I want to dishonor my husband or our marriage covenant.

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

While it is not possible to properly guide in you in the context of this forum, allow me to give you some points to ponder.

1. It is wonderful that it appears you both respect each other. Keep working hard to ensure that continues.

2. For your husbands many questions on faith, Tanach, and the like, I encourage you to look at the Torah websites that deal with answering these questions, most notably: Aish.com.

3. There are many books on these subjects that he could read, as well. Take a look at the website: artscroll.com.

4. While it is commendable that you are trying to balance your different view on Torah and observance, it is important to emphasize that while this is important, you should not compromise in a way that is an outright violation of halacha. You must reach out to an orthodox rabbi that can help you on a nearly day-by-day basis with making decisions in this area.

I hope this helps!

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