Sleeping Together During Prohibited Days

I recently got married, and although my husband and I are not religious, I decided to observe the laws of family purity. My husband is very upset about the idea of sleeping separately because we live with parents, and this means sleeping on a mattress as there is no other option. He is very sad and upset about the idea of not sleeping together for two weeks, although he accepts everything else. On one hand, I want to observe, and on the other, maintaining peace in the home is important. What can be done in such a situation? Thank you very much in advance for the response.

Hello and congratulations!

You have merited to take upon yourselves the observance of one of the most fundamental commandments, the commandment of family purity. This commandment brings blessing and fortune to the home, as well as peace and joy.

The sages of Israel understood that a person cannot restrain himself if he is close to his wife and they sleep together.

Your husband's difficulty is understandable, and if he feels this way, it will be very hard to maintain this observance over time. As with all good and beneficial things, success requires effort. Try to think of a solution that will be comfortable. It is important to remember the words of Chazal that sleeping together in the same room even during the days of prohibition is a commandment for peace in the home.

To endure in this wonderful commandment, it is very advisable not to remain only at the personal decision level; there are wonderful organizations that provide guidance and support for this.

It is important that your husband also be a partner in understanding the commandment and its benefit to your marital life.

I will not cover everything here, but here is a small point for strengthening:

Precisely in these days when you are experiencing the renewal and joy that exist with a bride and groom, you can understand the words of Rabbi Meir Baal HaNes: 'Rabbi Meir says: Why did the Torah say that a woman is impure for seven days? Because he becomes accustomed to her and she becomes tiresome to him, the Torah said she should be impure for seven days so that she will be beloved by her husband as at the time of her entering the chuppah.'

In other words, naturally, the enjoyment of novelty diminishes and fades, and even the most beloved thing to a person becomes tiresome and worn out. No person in the world can eat the same food all his life, even if it is the most exquisite food in the world.

No woman can wear the same dress for a long period, even if everyone thinks it is the most suitable and beautiful dress for her.

And what will happen in marriage? How can one live with the same husband, the same wife until one hundred and twenty? Naturally, it is impossible!

One becomes accustomed, stops being excited, then it becomes tiresome and annoying, and it is no wonder that so many couples, each of whom is perfect and amazing, within a few years (in the best case...) appear downcast and reach quarrels, and people from outside do not understand what happened to this wonderful couple. And I will not elaborate on the known matters.

So what is the solution? Rabbi Meir answers, for this the Torah commanded to distance from each other every month, and then the renewal will come by itself. Every month the woman will be like a bride.

Talmud Niddah 31b