A Match I Caused to Fall Through

My 22-year-old brother learns in Chevron Yeshiva and recently started looking into shidduchim. He’s really exceptional, smart, kind, charismatic, tall and good-looking, everyone likes him, including the rabbanim. Because he wanted to focus on learning, he waited until the end of the fifth year of Yeshivah to start.We’re a serious but open Torah-and-work type of family, and in our circle that mix is pretty rare. He was introduced to a fantastic girl, smart, beautiful, accomplished, really top in every way, but her family was offering a lower dowry than we expected, and she’s a bit more modern than he is.I’m very involved in these things and convinced my parents to hold off. They were unsure but listened to me. A week ago she got engaged to one of my brother’s close friends. It’s been four months since then and no other match like that has come up. My parents are finding it hard, and I feel terrible, like maybe I caused him to lose his right shidduch and now he’ll end up with someone less fitting.I keep telling myself everything is from Heaven, but I also know we’re supposed to make an effort, and I did influence the decision. My brother completely trusts me and my parents, and now I’m worried I made a big mistake.

Shalom uVracha,

Yes, sometimes a person can miss a match that was meant for them, but I really don’t think that’s what happened here. You made a thoughtful decision, and even if it turned out differently than you hoped, there’s no blame on you.

Keep davening that the right shidduch comes along.

Rav Amrom Fried shlit”a blesses your brother that, with Hashem’s help, he will find his match very soon.