Guidance on Maintaining Boundaries in a Relationship

A religious young man and woman, both 18 years old, he studies in a yeshiva half-day and works, she studies in a religious framework, both are from good families. They are truly in love and would not break the relationship unless it interferes with their parents' wishes or something like that. The relationship did not start by choice, it was incidental and just happened. Marriage is not being considered at this stage, more around the age of 20. In the meanwhile, they’ve been meeting and still keeping the halachot of physical contact, but it’s unlikely they will continue doing so much longer. Telling them to break up and reconnect in two years for marriage just isn’t realistic, these feelings can’t simply be turned off.The question is whether it’s okay to continue the relationship even if there might be occasional slip-ups. They genuinely need each other, support one another, and have been through a lot together. Both are strong in their religious commitment and have deep faith, this isn’t a shallow connection.Still, they realize that maintaining complete separation indefinitely isn’t realistic.Can they continue their relationship under these conditions? While it may not inevitably lead to serious problems, even though, as the saying goes, there is no guardian when it comes to matters of immorality. the reality is that their circumstances are difficult to change. So, what should they do?

Shalom

As you mentioned in your question, Chazal say, “There is no guardian when it comes to matters of immorality.” In other words, it’s not realistic to assume they can maintain a relationship while keeping proper distance according to halacha, they will inevitably stumble.

Therefore, If they are certain that they are truly compatible, they should get married immediately. Then the relationship will not only be permitted but even a mitzvah.

If they are unable to get married now, they must completely separate and in a few years, when they feel ready for marriage, they can meet again.

P.S. When I say, “certain they are compatible for each other” it’s not advisable for the couple to make that decision alone. It is important for them to consult a person who has experience in this matter and will be able to advise them, since right now, the couple is emotionally biased, and as the Torah says, “a bribe blinds the eyes of the wise.” They may overlook real issues or clear signs of incompatibility.