Is this shidduch right for me?
Question
Content of the question: I am in the middle of dating a special boy, with good character traits, from a good yeshiva, seemingly perfect in every way. However, there are a few things that bother me before the next meeting
and I would like guidance on how to act and how to talk about it.
I come from a seminary that instilled in us the value of a Torah home and how important it is that the husband be connected to learning,
but over the past year I have been very busy with work and daily life, and therefore this topic is not as strong within me now,
and it is hard for me to firmly present my position, to show that I am confident about it, or to develop a discussion on this topic. Seemingly, the boy shows that he loves to learn and invests in it, but there are days when he does less, and even somewhat belittles it. He is aware that in the future he will go out to work, because he is talented, and he does not see himself living like a full-time yeshiva student after the wedding. He is also interested in sports and watches at home on a device that they have, and this excites him too much. I am a girl with high aspirations, and I am more impressed by dedication to higher things than by brands and shoes. I want to convey to him that I am looking for a serious commitment to Torah study, even if he will work in the future (although that is not what I dreamed of), in a way that will make him understand and devote himself to it without ruining the atmosphere. In addition, there is the matter of dress: he does not wear a hat, and of course that does not change the essence of the person, but I would like the one destined to be my husband to respect and want to adapt his appearance like the other Torah learners.
With blessings.
Answer
Shalom u’vracha.
The values in which you grew up and were educated are clear to you, and it will certainly be hard for you to truly appreciate someone who does not live that way.
The main issue is not what you were involved in this past year, but what you want to see in your home in 5 years’ time, and in 10 years’ time.
Sit with yourself and think how this boy’s home will look in 10 years, and how you want your own home to look at that time, and try to consider whether this matches.
Hatzlacha.
