To whom are shadchanus fees paid?
Question
Shalom.
A woman asked her friend to think of a shidduch for her niece, and the friend told her the name of someone who could be suitable. The aunt made the suggestion and the match was concluded. Is the one who suggested the name
also entitled to shadchanus fees?
Answer
Shalom u’vracha.
Strictly speaking, the one who suggested the name is not entitled to shadchanus fees, since she did not make the proposal to the family itself but merely pointed out a possibility to the shadchan. Nevertheless, it is proper that the shadchan give her something from his own pocket.
Source
The Gaon, in siman 185, se’if katan 13, writes that the reason a broker (in our times, a shadchan or real‑estate agent) is entitled to payment even if the owner did not explicitly send him is based on the halacha of “yored.” In Pischei Teshuva there, se’if katan 3, he cites Atarat Tzedek regarding shadchanus: if one person began and another completed the match, there are different customs — either to split the fee in half, or to divide it into three parts for the initiator, the intermediary, and the one who completes it — and everything depends on local custom. He notes that someone is called the “initiator” only if he spoke with the parties about the shidduch — how much you will give, etc. He then continues that an initiator is considered as such even if he could not finish the matter and only proposed the match to the couple, and without him the shidduch would never have started. Nowadays the custom is to pay the one who proposes the idea a third, even if he did not conduct the monetary negotiations of the shidduch, since he is the one who brought the suggestion to the couple. Nevertheless, it is necessary that he propose it to the parties themselves, and not merely as a “reference” (mar’eh makom) to a shadchan. Still, it is proper that the shadchan give something from his own pocket, since without the one who suggested it there would have been no shidduch, and thus he is a real cause of the match, though there is no strict obligation to pay him.
