Be Killed Rather Than Transgress
Question
My friend was subjected to a forbidden sexual relationship (gilui arayot) entirely not through her own fault — this happened when she was very young, at age 11–12, and she had no way at all to stop it. Today she is 19 and claims that she has to die because she transgressed one of the three commandments for which it is said, “be killed rather than transgress” (yehareg ve’al ya’avor). Is that true?
What is she supposed to do??
And in general, what does the Rav recommend?
Thank you very much!!!
Answer
Shalom u’vracha,
She needs to live, not to die.
First, today there is no death penalty in Judaism. This was something carried out only by the Sanhedrin [=the Great Court in Jerusalem], and since before the destruction of the Second Temple [about 2,000 years ago] there has been no Sanhedrin. Therefore, even someone who transgressed a prohibition whose penalty was death, does teshuva (repents), and it atones for him or her.
Second, even when there was a death penalty in Judaism, it was only for an act done willingly, not for an act done under coercion.
Third, only from the age of 12 is a girl obligated in the commandments and held liable for transgressions. At age 11 she is obligated only by way of chinuch (education).
If it was under coercion, she has nothing to do teshuva for. And even if it was willingly, but out of lack of knowledge of the prohibition, it is all considered oness (a coerced or unavoidable situation).
My recommendation is that she go to a good therapist, in order to work through the trauma and the feelings of guilt, and so that she can be fit for a proper, kosher marriage, with G‑d’s help.
