Divorce and Postponing Immersion
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Question
I have serious marital problems, I have no love, emotion, connection, or desire to live with my husband, I just want a divorce. I tried going to therapy, but it didn't help and didn't connect me to my husband. Is this a sufficient reason for divorce? Especially since I have immersion in a few days and it's really hard for me to think about it. Is it permissible to postpone the night of immersion?
Answer
Hello,
a. Divorce is a last resort.
For the vast majority of marital problems, there is a real solution, but one must be willing to invest.
The investment is very worthwhile, as it is proven that without therapy and counseling, the same problems will resurface in subsequent marriages in most cases.
On the other hand, with good therapy, it is possible to manage even in the first marriage.
So why go through a divorce and then a tiring search and possibly a second marriage?
b. It is forbidden to postpone the night of immersion unless you have decided to divorce definitively. Of course, provided that you can manage without mutual hatred at least for that night.
If you have decided to divorce, it is forbidden to be together in any case, and there is no point in immersion.
Source
Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim, Siman 240, Seif 2 and Mishnah Berurah, Seif Katan 15 and 19.
Gittin 90 and Sanhedrin 22: "Anyone who divorces his first wife, even the altar sheds tears."