Which Halachic Opinion to Follow in the Family?
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Question
My question is as follows. How should one proceed in a family where the husband is an Ashkenazi Jew and the wife is a Bukharan Jew who has adopted Chabad customs? Before marriage, the differences in their approach to Halacha were not discussed. Both the husband and wife pray according to the Nusach Ari (Chabad), but the husband follows the opinions of the Rema and Mishnah Berurah, while the wife follows Chabad opinions. Regarding kashrut for meat and poultry, both have accepted Chabad kashrut. Both are in their third marriage. The husband is 52 years old, and the wife is 45 years old. Which opinion should be the determining one in their family regarding halachic matters to avoid conflicts? Or should each of them continue to follow the halachic opinion they adhered to previously? Thank you in advance for your response.
Answer
Shalom!
As a general rule, a woman, upon marriage, adopts the customs of her husband.
The reason for this is that upon entering marriage, a woman becomes part of her husband's family and accordingly follows its traditions. From a halachic perspective, the wife is considered an extension of the husband, as expressed in the principle "ishto kegufo" — "his wife is like himself." A woman adopts her husband's customs regardless of whether they are stricter or more lenient than her previous customs.
However, it should be noted that while the wife should adopt the general customs of her husband, this does not obligate her to take on all his personal stringencies (chumrot). For example, if the husband is stringent and ends Shabbat 72 minutes after sunset (while most end it about 45 minutes after sunset), the wife is not obligated to follow him in this matter and may adhere to the commonly accepted time.