A Personal Question on a Jewish Theme Related to a Jewess Hiding Her Identity

Hello, I have a very personal question and a sensitive delicate topic. I am a born Jewess, but my family has drifted away from Tradition, and I have returned. I am studying materials, knowing that I need to marry a Jew to end the assimilation in the family. Only then will I become more independent and be able to open up and behave as a Jewess without hiding. I have to hide my identity, and at the right moment, I will have to reveal it, which is dangerous because the family is ashamed of their roots and against it, and I hide it from them and everyone. I wonder: even if a Jew hides their identity, do others feel something "Jewish" in people like me, a belonging to it, even if they do not consciously articulate it as "Jewish as such"? After all, the Jewish soul has a special energy, spiritual power, energy that shines through everything... When I read the Purim story, it all touched my soul, I felt very sorry for Esther, and even now I feel the same pain and even personal resentment for the very fact of these hardships, dangers, sufferings associated with hiding identity. It deeply resonates with my own story, when I seriously think about it, I just feel like I'm suffocating, honestly! "She hid that she was a Jewess" / "when you reveal your identity" etc., that's what they said about me somehow... In short, it's very unpleasant, and I've had an internal conflict brewing for a long time. It's upsetting that people in stories where Jews hid their identity, including mine, emphasize, write, and say such things most often ("she hid/revealed" etc.). It's very difficult for me to convey the very spiritual essence, experiences, even through this large text, but I really need at least some tiny guidance. ( How does the Jewish soul affect the world, change it while being hidden? What do others feel? How does it influence the surrounding in spiritual reality... My mission includes this very process of hiding and revealing. I dreamed of developing Jewish feminine energy so that everything would be immediately obvious and good. Is the meaning really in words? When I SAY, confess what is needed, then everything will change. I want to know a little deeper about the spiritual reality behind all this, guiding all material.

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

Indeed, a Jew cannot truly hide their Jewish essence! There is undoubtedly something in the Jewish soul that radiates Jewishness. We transmit this inner Jewish light to the entire surrounding world. This is the very light for the nations mentioned in the prophecies.

It can be compared to radio waves in the air: no one sees these waves, but we know they exist because the radio can pick them up. The same happens with Jews. Throughout history, when Jews tried to hide their identity, it generally did not succeed. Non-Jews and even antisemites "tuned into this wave" and still felt who was in front of them.

Nevertheless, you should not hide your Jewishness! If you feel compelled to do so due to "danger," it is a sure sign that you are in the wrong place and should leave it as soon as possible. You need to move to Israel or at least to a large Jewish community where you can live freely as a Jew.

Reach out to the nearest Orthodox rabbi — he can help and guide you.