Praying for Someone to Suffer

About 7 years ago someone was really bullying me- and I really regret it now because it's a terrible thing and also we're very very close friends now- and I davened that he should get sick and feel the pain that he caused me and he got very very sick for nearly a month and I've been thinking about it and I really regret it. To I have to ask him mechila or do I have to specify what I'm asking mechila for or do I have to do anything? I'm at a loss for what to do and it hurts me to have this on my mind.

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

To begin with, allow me to share with you a very famous and relevant Talmudic passage.

There were a bunch of criminals who once lived in the same neighborhood as Rabbi Meir. They would cause him much anguish (a form of bullying!). Rabbi Meir decided to pray that they should die. His wife, Bruria, heard about this and chastised him for doing so. She asked her husband if such prayers were even permitted in the first place! She showed him a verse in the book of Psalms. The verse says, “Let sinners [chataim] cease from the earth”'? Bruria pointed out that the correct word for “sinners” should have been “chotim.” Here, however, the word used is “chataim” which actually means “sins.” As such, she taught that the verse is coming to teach us that we should pray that sins cease from the earth, but not necessarily that sinners cease from the earth.

We are told that Rabbi Meir took his wife’s advice, and he prayed that these evildoers cease their evil ways. And so it was! They repented!

So we see from here that as a general rule, we should never pray that people die, or suffer, but rather that their sins die.

In your case, you are concerned that your prayers brought harm to your former bully-friend. There is no need to tell him that you prayed that he should suffer. Rather, you should pray that he be well and be a good person, and maybe give some charity on his behalf.

Berachot 10a, Psalms 104:35