Praying to Deceased Relatives

I am interested in the idea that relatives who have passed on can intercede on behalf of living family members. Can you give me more information on how this is envisioned?

Shalom!

Thank you for your question.

We are to only pray to God. There are no intermediaries or middle men when it comes to our relationship with God. In the words of the fifth of the thirteen principles of faith:

“God should be the only object of worship and praise. One should not appeal to intermediaries, but should pray directly to God.”

In the words of the Chochmas Adam (24:5)

The unlearned people who go to graves and speak with the dead and tell them about their troubles, are likely violating to prohibition against necromancy…Some of our sages wanted to forbid making pilgrimages to gravesites. But those who do go there should pray to God that he fulfill their wishes in the merit of their forefathers and in the merit of the righteous who are interred there (see Bach end of YD 217)

The same is true with regard to your question. We do not believe in communicating with the dead. But what you can do is ask God for blessing and success in the merit of deceased loved ones or other righteous individuals. Indeed, you can pray to God at the cemetery by such graves invoking the memory and merits of the deceased. We do not address the deceased directly.

The Mishnah Berura (OC 581) and the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (128:13) emphasizes this point when they discusses the common custom of going to cemeteries before Rosh Hashana to pray. They warn against praying to the dead directly, reminding us that prayers are to be directly only to God.