Rabbi Akiva's Farewell to His Wife

Shalom to the esteemed Rabbi, shlita. I have the privilege of delivering a Daf Yomi class in Givat Shmuel. During the study, in the Daf Yomi, Tractate Nedarim, page 50, there is a description of Rabbi Akiva's return to his home after 12 years of study and his subsequent return to the Beit Midrash for another 12 years of study. Many thinkers and leaders claimed that during this visit, Rabbi Akiva did not enter his home at all and did not meet his wife face to face. In the education we received, this claim became an integral part of the Talmudic story. From examining the notes in the Schottenstein edition, the source of this claim is Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz. I wanted to ask if the esteemed Rabbi knows of any halachic sources on this matter, that is, whether it was indeed appropriate to behave this way initially, ignoring the basic sensitivity of a person to his fellow and a husband to his wife, in order not to disrupt the continuity of study. Thank you in advance for the answer.

Shalom Rav 

The commentators of the Talmud indeed did not dwell on the reason for this matter, and the first known to me who explained these reasons is Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz (Sichot Mussar, Article 1 and Article 92).

However, the main issue that Rabbi Akiva did not enter his home is explained in the Talmud in Nedarim (50), and more elaborately in Ketubot (63): 'He said: I act with permission, he returned and stayed for another twelve years'. That is, Rabbi Akiva concludes for himself that he has permission to continue studying in the yeshiva, and it is explained that he indeed did not enter to ask his wife about it.

Regarding the question of whether it is appropriate to act this way. Firstly, every person is obligated to honor his wife and care for her needs, besides that, the sages instituted that every husband in his ketubah obligates himself to live with his wife as husband and wife, and also to care for all her needs. And certainly, both according to halacha and according to the conduct of the Torah, there is no place for such behavior as a general way of life.

But, a person who knows his wife and knows that this is her desire, these are her aspirations, and she has the full ability to sacrifice for the perfection of her husband's Torah, certainly it is a mitzvah for the husband to utilize all the tools at his disposal to grow in Torah.

Thus, when we come to the story brought in the Talmud, we must remember that Rabbi Akiva, by himself, would not have gone to study Torah at all. His wife was the one who sacrificed all her father's inheritance and all the comforts of life so that her husband would go to study, and even after their marriage, she worked hard in deeds and persuasion so that her husband would study Torah. 

In such a case, the agreement 'if you listen to me, stay another twelve years' (Ketubot 63) is not a forced agreement, but a sincere and pure request, and a clear expression that the best thing for her is that he continues to engage in Torah in perfection.

In such a case, there is no doubt that the morally correct thing is as Rabbi Akiva did, who turned back to study for another twelve years.